Let him who walks in the dark, who has no light,
trust in the name of the LORD and rely on his God.
Isaiah 50:10

When life is hard and we don't understand, it's helpful to remember the story of Job--and see what we can learn from his life.

Remember him? They man in the Bible who lost practically everything.

Job had some very dark days. He became overwhelmingly sad and began to give up entirely. Hope had faded. He complained about his circumstances and thought that he would never be happy again. It simply made no sense to Job why his entire life had crumbled around him.

Perhaps your breakup wasn’t as bad as Job’s horrible life. But whether your were simply disappointed or downright devastated you may also be wrestling with your own ideas about God’s character.

You may not be able to perceive what God is doing in your life right now, but perhaps, like Job, your question of “why?” will turn to “Who?” as you draw nearer to the One who has the answers. As you come to know God more and trust Him, you realize the one who takes care of the vast universe and all that is in it, also has His hands—and heart—on you.

In the darkest time of Job’s life he learned to see with new eyes as he experienced God, beholding him and coming to a place of radical life transformation.

“So often our primary ambition is to escape pain or feel good or be delivered from a problem when instead we need to keep our focus on the big picture of what God is doing in our life and the lives of others through pain or problems,” said Anne Graham Lotz in Why? “Our principle aim,” she continues, “should be to glorify God, not to be honored or to be healthy or to be happy.”

Of course, being happy or healthy is not a bad thing; it’s just not a first thing. Often we do not understand what God is up to because, well, He is God. And we are not.

There will always be an element of mystery in why God does what He does; we will never have all the answers this side of heaven. But we can rest assured that the One who loves us most, will reveal all that we need to know when we need to know it. And that is enough.

Many times, during or after a goodbye with a guy, I’ve grappled with my own “why?’ questions. We could have been really good together God, why didn’t this work out? And over time and many tears later, I’ve come to a place where I could say to God, “I do not understand, but I will trust You.”
When all else is gone, God remains.

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.” (Proverbs 3:5-6)

Calm Your Heart; Return to Joy

"Be still, and know that I am God." Psalm 46:11

Life is messy. We get hurt--or we hurt others. Breakups happen, people disappoint us. Or annoy us. Things don't go as planned. Why, it seems, is there never enough time to do what we need to get done.

But there is hope. The mess of the rain and mud in springtime lead into the beauty and bounty of summer. Fresh, green leaves. Pungent lilacs. Blooming fruit trees and gardens. All that mess led to something better.

This too shall pass. Your day will come. I believe it. Will you!

May God give you HOPE today, perhaps more hope than you've had in a long time--that one day things will change. That they will get better.

May the hard times you're facing lead to infinitely better days ahead!

When Love Ends: Dealing with a Dating Breakup or Divorce

Though I sit in darkness, the LORD will be my light.
Micah 7:8

Breakups are hard. Whether you’re trying to get over someone who left or you’re the one leaving, breakups are messy, complicated and often devastatingly difficult.

That’s because we’re designed for attachment and connection, not separation and disconnection. Yet, for many singles, our dating lives are a series of hello’s and goodbye’s—attaching and detaching—from our teenage years until we stand at the altar (or don’t). We date and breakup, date and breakup in a crazy-making cycle. Often, people who marry and divorce find themselves back in the same pattern, too.

Whether you dated briefly or for a long time, the loss of love can be shattering. Your mind swirls with questions: What did I do wrong? Why did he leave? Aren’t I worth being loved well? What if I never find anyone like him again? What if I never find anyone again?

One day you’re sad, the next day you’re angry, and suddenly you’re just numb; you don’t feel anything because it just hurts too much to feel. Maybe you feel rejected, betrayed, or broken-hearted. If you’re the one who left him, you may be suffering guilt and shame. Either way, you just want the pain to stop. You want healing and you want answers.

Is it possible to get through this fragmenting process without falling to pieces?

Yes. Thankfully, yes.

Every story has a beginning and an end. This book begins with an ending, the “heart sunset” of your fading relationship, and it ends with a fresh start in the land of new beginnings.

When Love Ends is an integral part of your healing journey. In this four-part book, you’ll follow the cycle of a day, from darkness to light, as an analogy that parallels the healing process.

Twilight is a time of endings. The sun and the relationship are both disappearing, and you learn that, sadly, loss and brokenness are a part of life. Yet how you deal with endings, how you handle the emotional fallout of your breakup, in healthy or unhealthy ways, will determine the quality of your future love relationships—and your life.

Night is the darkness of grieving your losses. You’ve lost love, friendship, physical touch, and the hope of being with this person forever. You seem to have misplaced your worth and value, and your self esteem (and maybe some self respect) are hiding. Thankfully, God provides “night lights” in the darkness, like His comfort, wisdom and love, to guide the way to the daylight of joy and new beginnings.

As the first fingers of morning inch across the horizon, hope awakens and the light of Dawn (the truth about who God is and who you really are) illuminates your thinking. You begin to see God’s character and learn how he redeems losses and restores brokenness. As you discover your true identity as a dearly loved child of God, you gain greater confidence and learn to make wiser choices in love.

Finally Day breaks and you find that letting go of the past is truly possible. It’s time to move forward into your future. As the sun’s rays shine into the dark corners of your life, you reawaken to important things you’ve forgotten or put aside, like: gratitude, serving others, building friendships and community, and maybe even living your dreams. With renewed vision, you are no longer hiding in the shadows of yesterday. Radiance has returned, and with the light of Christ in you, you are ready to be a light to the world.

If you’ve just broken up from a dating relationship, or are still in the process, When Love Ends is an excellent resource. It provides encouragement and hope along with biblical insight and practical help to get you out of the darkness and back into the light of a brighter future.

Your new day will come. Believe it!

happy thoughts for a summer day

It's Saturday and it's summer. Okay, almost summer. In three more days the we'll flip the calendar and it will be official. But today it's warm and sunny.

Don't you wish it was summer-like in your heart every day? Instead of clouds, perfectly blue sky. No pain, no tears. Instead of fog, always clear. You always knew just what direction to take and exactly what to do!

If only.

But even though the weather changes--outdoors and in our hearts--we can still CHOOSE joy. We can still take steps toward feeling better and living better even when life is hard.

There will always be disappointments and trials in life...confusing days and broken times. Love can hurt and life is messy. We can cry and be sad. There is a place for that. But then, after grieving, we can press on--trusting God--and choose what we will do next.

As for me, I want to choose joy...be kind...lend a helping hand...listen to others...be heard...celebrate!...be at peace.

Today I will trust God. And make better choices.

How to Deal with Anger – Especially After a Breakup

Samantha was mad. As she drove home after a long talk with Jesse, her boyfriend of three years, she replayed over and over in her mind what he’d said only moments before.

It had been a relaxing Saturday afternoon and the couple was hanging out at Jesse’s house. Samantha casually asked him if he could ever see them marrying each other. Jesse paused, looked up at her and said, “I don’t know. I feel like I don’t really know you.”

He doesn’t know me—after three years?

Samantha was shocked, hurt, and angry. Yet despite her feelings she calmly tried to talk with Jesse about it, but he didn’t want to engage in conversation so Samantha left. But then, Samantha was always the one who wanted to connect and Jesse didn’t.

She couldn’t count the number of times he’d shut down and say nothing when the topic got too deep for him. He didn’t want to share his feelings and, it appeared, he didn’t want to share his life with her either. Samantha and Jesse broke up shortly after that revealing conversation.

She had good reason to be angry. She wanted more conversationally and emotionally from Jesse and he wasn’t willing to give it to her. Added to that was the fact that they’d been together for three years. Samantha had invested her heart with this man and got a zero percent return.

We all get angry once in a while and that’s normal. But when we ignore it, hide it, or express anger in out of control ways to destructive extremes then it’s a problem.

Someone once told me that feelings are “indicators,” but God’s truth leads. You may feel angry, but don’t give in to rage, hostility, violence, cruelty, or physical or verbal abuse. Ephesians 4:26, 27 reads, “‘In your anger do not sin’: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.”

Jesus Christ displayed a range of emotions during his thirty-three years on Earth. He was passionate about justice, even if it meant a display of righteous anger when he overturned the tables of the money changers when they turned the temple area, a sacred place, into a selling floor for animals. (John 2:13-17)

Here are some practical things you can do to manage your anger wisely:

For instance, you can write an anger letter expressing to God about what happened during your breakup and/or since then, and how you feel about it. It can even include things that happened during the time you dated, if needed. Pour out your heart—what you’re mad about and why.

Or, you could write a different kind of anger letter. This exercise helps you to get the release you need, but you never ever mail the letter. Picture the person who broke up with you sitting across the table from you as you write. If you could say anything you wanted to him or her right now, what would you say? If you could say anything to them in a Christ-like way, what would you say? It’s up to you how much to include.

The purpose of the letter it to get the emotion out of you and release it. No one else will ever see what you write and you can feel safe to express yourself, vent, and be free of the tangled emotions inside of you. When you’re done, you can choose to burn or shred it if you’d like, but never (never!) mail it.

Write an anger action plan. In the midst of a heated conversation, sometimes you may need to leave so you (or the other person) can cool off and address your issues later. When you need to think through why you’re irritated, this can be helpful. Make a list of what happened, if you need to respond (you may not), how it makes you feel, and some potential ways you can respond. Then, after you’ve reviewed your options you can choose what to do. It will be helpful to pray before you begin. For example:

• What happened? Tony constantly cuts me off before I can finish a sentence.

• Do I need to respond? Yes, I feel like I need to stand up for myself.

• How does this make me feel? I feel angry when Tony doesn’t let me finish what I’m saying. I feel like what he has to say is more important than what I want to say. I feel diminished and unimportant.

• Options to responding: When Tony cuts in when I’m talking, I could say, “Could I please finish my sentence?” or “I wasn’t done yet.” Or, I could spend less time with Tony. Or. . .?

There are other ways to manage your anger too. Some people find it helpful to get punch pillows, talk to a trusted friend, pull out the Bible and read, journal their thoughts, go workout, or get outside for a long walk or bike ride. A good hearty laugh or getting some humor into your life can advance your heart toward joy again.

Find activities that relieve stress for you. And one day, things will be better. If you let them.

The 10 Best Decisions a Single Can Make: Embracing All God Has for You

Bill and Pam Farrel, the authors who brought us Men Are Like Waffles—Women Are Like Spaghetti released a new book for singles this year, The 10 Best Decisions a Single Can Make: Embracing All God Has for You (Harvest House Publishers).

Instead of a “life on hold” this married couple offers 10 ways to wake up to the significance of your life and improve your relationships. Here are the chapters:

1) Decide to Be Decisive
2) Decide to Walk with Jesus
3) Decide to Celebrate
4) Decide to Live in Peace
5) Decide to Wait
6) Decide to Define Relationships
7) Decide to Live the Good Life
8) Decide to Be an Influencer
9) Decide to Be a Communicator
10) Decide to Be a Competitor

Check it out!

Peace and rest when you're tired and stressed

When you're tired or stressed, take time for peace and rest. Seriously.

Whether it's physical tiredness or an emotional marathon that's depleted you. Value rest. Take it. And feel the replenishing power of a well-rested body and soul come back to life again.

Rest isn't just laying on the couch or a comfy hammock, although it can be. Rest is ceasing from work...laying aside for a time that which you MUST, and in it's place choosing what you need.

What does rest to you? How do you get replenished?