Friday, February 4, 2011
Restoring Confidence After a Breakup: Essential Tips
When your identity is rooted in the soil of God’s truth, your confidence grows. So when you run into the guy who dumped you, or the girl he is with now, it won’t shatter your self esteem. Sure, it may shake you up a bit at first, but you bend; you don’t break. As you learn to accept your strengths and your weaknesses, you build confidence that you are worth being loved well.
Confidence is very attractive. In fact, I’ve heard a number of men say that it’s not always how a woman looks that first attracts them. Surprising as that may be, they say that it’s her confidence and how she makes them feel.
One day down the road you may start dating again, and when you do, you will have the confidence to move forward and make better choices next time (I’ll blog more about that next week).
You can be confident in God, and His abilities not your inabilities. Confidence, because God is faithful. “The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it.” (1 Thessalonians 5:24)
Here are some suggestions to improve self esteem and confidence builders:
*Challenge negative and “what is wrong with me?” thinking.
*Watch your “self talk” and ruminating. Oftentimes we are harder on ourselves than others.
*Appreciate your positive strengths and work on areas that may need improvement.
*Stay away from critical and negative people as much as possible.
*Don’t put yourself down; build yourself up with God’s word.
*Accept compliments graciously. Just say, "thank you."
*Face your fears with faith.
*Don’t be afraid to say no.
*When your self esteem starts to crash, ask yourself: What happened? Is it true?
What evidence is leading you to that conclusion? Then consider if you need to change something in your life, or let go what happened.
*What one person thinks about you is just one person’s opinion.
*Love and respect yourself.
*Remember: You are worth being loved well!
*Handle with humor; find something to laugh about.
Lord, I need new confidence and self esteem after this time of rejection. Help me to focus on You, not my circumstances. Plant seeds of truth in my life and help them to grow so I can know my true identity based on what You say and what You see. When the words or actions of others have hurt me, please shore up my eroded self esteem. Give me clarity and true perspective. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
Jackie M. Johnson is an author and freelance writer in Colorado. Her hope-filled and encouraging books include "Power Prayers for Women," "When Love Ends and the Ice Cream Carton Is Empty" and "Powerful Prayers for Challenging Times." Jackie also writes the Living Single blog on Dr. James Dobson's Family Talk website.