Monday, February 7, 2011

Finding Love Again: Wisdom is Key

Now that you are getting over Mr. Wonderful (or Mr. Wonder-Where-He-Went) you may want to think about how you will do things differently in your next relationship.

You can be ready for love again and make healthier choices in the future by becoming a person of: wisdom, high standards, realistic expectations, integrity, love, and faith. We’ll talk about each one of these characteristics each day this week on A New Day Café blog—right here.

Making better choices in relationships begins as you think about the kind of person you want to date and how you’ll date. If you’re a person of faith, will you look for love in the world’s way or God’s way?

There is no Intro to Dating 101 section in the Bible, but we know that God desires people to treat each other with honesty, respect and honor. For one thing, that means being more other-centered and less self-centered.

It also means to be humble, be patient, bear with one another, to speak truthfully to build up others with your words, to be kind and compassionate, to forgive each other, and to live a life of love. Check out the book of Ephesians in the Bible for more about how we are to treat others—no matter who they are.

It seems wise to get to know someone first to see if you are compatible before you connect in a dating relationship. Spend time with your friends, his friends or your singles group instead of instant one-on-one time. That way you can prevent heartbreak for both parties if either of you discover you the other person is not for you after all.

Wisdom is essential making changes. Without it we do really dumb things that hurt others or ourselves. Wisdom protects, leads, guides, and gives knowledge and understanding. Wisdom gives us victory!

As you follow the path of wisdom something wonderful happens. You grow up on the inside.

When hard things happen, like a breakup, it can cause us to wise up and become more emotionally and spiritually mature.

What does that kind of person look like?

A mature person loves, accepts and respects herself. She learns to put rejection and loss in perspective, and trust the bigger picture of God’s guiding hand. She deals with issues as they come up and doesn't let them accumulate. Garbage needs to be taken out regularly, and emotional garbage needs to be processed and dumped frequently, too. She doesn't hold on to the past but clings tightly to the One who is her future and her hope: Jesus Christ.

A mature person lives in the reality of present, not the fantasy of the past or the future. She doesn’t obsess over a guy who’s dumped her for far too long or imagine herself in a white dress and veil with someone who is clearly not pursuing her.

A mature person trusts that God really does know best. And she lives what she believes. “Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says.” (James 1:22)

When you live in the light of God’s truth, you begin to feel stronger and more confident, and you become more equipped to make healthier relationship choices.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Thanks, Jackie, for your ministry. Life is based on the family and once it's destroyed, I find that the church & Christians don't know how to help, relate or even be around a divorced Christian. I am wondering what 'putting rejection & loss in perspective' looks like. 2 years ago, after 32 years of a stay@home Christian marriage, he left for another woman. Shortly after, my best friend (Christian, married) of 25 yrs seduced a 19 yr old, attacked my character & I ended our relationship. 1 yr ago my oldest daughter cut me out of her life and the 4 preschool grandboys, and my youngest is volatile & stays distant. Both have/are lived with their father since and both work for him.
I blog occasionally ( and today listed Questions Remain. I do not mourn the loss of my husband for many reasons but my life without the rest of my family is hard. I was abandoned and now my family goes on with a new female face while I still am cleaning up the consequences he left in my name. Even building a new life, college... based on The Word still leaves a life of limbo. So what does putting rejection & loss in perspective look like? Thanks, Jackie.