When You Feel Lonely: Getting Connected

Wayne has a solitary life. Every day he sits behind a computer, alone in a small cubicle at work. At night he sinks into the couch in front of the TV to unwind. He spends much of his free time online and has a sense of “virtual community” but not many friends with whom he interacts in person. Because of his lack of social skills, Wayne is often lonely.

Kate is a new mom who’s home all day with a newborn. She loves her baby girl, but she misses the companionship and conversation of her colleagues at the office.

And Paige, a marketing manager, just moved eight hundred miles across the country to start a new job in a city where she knows no one. She feels a bit lost and disconnected from her friends back home.

No matter what the reason, it hurts to feel isolated, disconnected, or unnoticed.

Sometimes we need the peace and quiet time alone brings; other times we need connection with others. But there’s a difference between loneliness and solitude.

Solitude can be replenishing after a hard week at work or in our prayer time with God. With the One who loves us most we can pour out our problems, ask for help, and thank him for all he has done for us. We can also learn to listen. In the stillness, in the quiet, we can hear what God is trying to communicate to us. Away from noise and distractions, we can absorb truth in new ways.

Loneliness is different. One definition says that “loneliness is a painful awareness that we lack close and meaningful contact with others. It involves a feeling of inner emptiness, isolation, and intense longing.” You may also feel sad, anxious, or inferior because you are unable to connect with people—or connect with a certain person.

We all need to connect with other people. We were created to need each other and to serve each other’s needs. Indeed, our longing for love, friendship, and close friends is real. Such things are vital to our emotional well-being.

Just as a bridge links one place to another, friendships connects one isolated person to another, and soon community is built. You can build connections in all areas of life. For example, build:

• spiritual community with people at church or a small group, prayer group, missions team, or one-on-one with someone like-minded

• social community through a bowling league, moms group, singles group, or coffee with friends

• intellectual community with people from work, a book group, or other group with shared interests

• physical community through a sports team, dance class, or workout partner for the gym

• neighborhood or city community through a local playground, neighborhood block party, or mentoring a disadvantaged youth

• virtual community, but make sure social media connections are not your only connections with other people.

With God, we have the most primary and meaningful connection possible. And that comes in prayer as we talk and listen. Ask God to make his presence real to you today. Ask him to help you to have hope that things can change in your life.  

You can also ask God to give you courage to reach out to another person or to bring caring relationships—with friends, family, or other new people—into your life. Finally, ask what you can do today to build a bridge to another person. 

Jesus said, “And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age” (Matt. 28:20). When you know God, you are never alone.

 

Excerpted from Powerful Prayers for Challenging Times (Revell/Baker Books) by Jackie M. Johnson.

 

 

After a Breakup: Finding Connection and Community Again

After a breakup singles often feel lonely or disconnected from other people. Isolation can lead to a lack of motivation, and a lot less joy. Instead of trying to be tough and self-sufficient, it’s important to realize that it’s okay to rely on others, especially people who are affirming, accepting, and trustworthy.

We were created for connection. Yet oftentimes we don’t have the energy for it if we are too focused on our own problems, or we haven’t taken the time to develop quality friendships.

Sadly, TV shows can become a quick fix for company since these people show up in your living room at least once a week. But TV is only a one-way connection.

Our pastor once said that if God can separate you from authentic community then you are easy prey for the enemy because you are isolated and alone. Whether it’s with your family, friends, church, book club, Bible study, sports team, community theatre group, scrapbooking club, or other types of community, we all need real, live human contact.

Of course, solitude can be healing and we all need some time to ourselves, but we need to find a balance between being alone and being with other people—-not just with online friends, but face-to-face personal interaction.

Indeed, restoration often comes within relationships. Being in healthy and supportive relationship other than dating connections can be very healing. As people treat you with kindness and treat you well they reinforce the truths you’ve learned that you are worthy and have infinite value.

We get stronger and sharper as we connect with others, and follow Proverbs 27:17 “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.”

Plus, you may be able to help someone else in their time of need after their breakup because you can relate and empathize. You can offer them hope and comfort, and help bring healing to others from your own wounding and heart healing path.

When Erica went through a painful divorce she was fortunate to have church members who provided practical help as well as a lot of support and encouragement.

People were constantly giving her invitations to their home for meals and fellowship. It helped her to feel less sad and alone, and very loved by her church community as they modeled Christ to her.

Some of the men in the church volunteered to work on her home (which was in disrepair) and mow her lawn. One of the deacons was a CPA and he helped her with financial planning after the divorce. In addition, she received lots of prayer and letters of encouragement. Erica was extremely grateful as her church loved her in a way she’d never felt loved before.

In fact, what the church did for Erica was a testimony to the community. As she went through the grieving process and was supported in such tangible and kind ways, those outside the church looked on in wonder and amazement.

It kind of makes me want to cry tears of joy for the help and support she received.

Bottom line: Don’t try to do this life on your own. Connect, and you will find much more joy and satisfaction in life!