Feeling Lonely? Why Connection is So Important

So it’s the holidays, a time when many people feel lonely. Alone. Disconnected.  

It’s “the most wonderful time of the year” or so the Christmas carol lyrics tell us. But in the months between Thanksgiving and New Year’s, there seems to be a great emphasis on families and couples. And for those who are not coupled—or don’t have a family (or one they want to be around)—it can be the most difficult time of year.

The truth is that we live in society that is more disconnected than ever. The Internet has radically changed how we do ‘people connection.’ On one hand’s it’s a fantastic tool. From my living room in Colorado, I can email my Dad in Minnesota or Facebook with readers in Brazil.  

Love it! 

Other the other hand, technology can limit one’s face-to-face-interactions and in-person friendships because he or she chooses screen time over face time (and I don’t mean the Mac app, I mean talking with someone in person). On Facebook, for example, they may go wide (have a lot of ‘friends’) but not go deep (as in having meaningful relationships with good friends).  

Connecting is vital to our emotional health. Building friendships and living connected increases our joy. We were created to need each other and to serve each other’s needs.  

In fact, you can build connections in all different areas of life:

• Spiritual community with people at church, or in a small group, Bible study, missions team, serving opportunity or one-on-one.
• Social community through a shared hobby, a singles group, local theatre group or coffee with friends.
• Intellectual community with people from work, a book group or other group with shared interests.
• Physical community in joining a sports team, dance class or getting workout partner for the gym.
• Neighborhood or city community can be built be showing up at your local playground, a neighborhood block party, or mentoring a disadvantaged youth.
• Virtual community is a way to connect with others, but make sure it’s not your only connection with other people.

Of course, the first person to make a connection with is the most important one. Through prayer and our relationship with God we have the most primary and meaningful connection possible. Even when you don’t know what to say, the simple prayer of, "Help!" will reach the loving ears of God.  

To overcome loneliness, you may want to start by asking yourself why you feel lonely. Ask God to make His presence real and close to you today. Ask Him to help you have hope things really can change in your life.  

You can also ask God to give you courage to reach out to another person today or to bring caring relationships—like friends, family, or other new people into your life.  

Lastly, ask what is one thing you can do today to build a bridge to another person? Those ideas may help you get started as you pray about overcoming loneliness and learning to live better connected.  

Jesus said, “And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age” (Matthew 28:20). When you know God, you are never alone.  

Prayer
Lord, I feel so empty and alone. I know I’ve been isolated and need contact with other people, but sometimes it’s hard to change. Will you help me learn how to build bridges to other people? What a comfort it is to know that You are always with me, and that You never leave. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

 

 

When You Feel Lonely: Getting Connected

Wayne has a solitary life. Every day he sits behind a computer, alone in a small cubicle at work. At night he sinks into the couch in front of the TV to unwind. He spends much of his free time online and has a sense of “virtual community” but not many friends with whom he interacts in person. Because of his lack of social skills, Wayne is often lonely.

Kate is a new mom who’s home all day with a newborn. She loves her baby girl, but she misses the companionship and conversation of her colleagues at the office.

And Paige, a marketing manager, just moved eight hundred miles across the country to start a new job in a city where she knows no one. She feels a bit lost and disconnected from her friends back home.

No matter what the reason, it hurts to feel isolated, disconnected, or unnoticed.

Sometimes we need the peace and quiet time alone brings; other times we need connection with others. But there’s a difference between loneliness and solitude.

Solitude can be replenishing after a hard week at work or in our prayer time with God. With the One who loves us most we can pour out our problems, ask for help, and thank him for all he has done for us. We can also learn to listen. In the stillness, in the quiet, we can hear what God is trying to communicate to us. Away from noise and distractions, we can absorb truth in new ways.

Loneliness is different. One definition says that “loneliness is a painful awareness that we lack close and meaningful contact with others. It involves a feeling of inner emptiness, isolation, and intense longing.” You may also feel sad, anxious, or inferior because you are unable to connect with people—or connect with a certain person.

We all need to connect with other people. We were created to need each other and to serve each other’s needs. Indeed, our longing for love, friendship, and close friends is real. Such things are vital to our emotional well-being.

Just as a bridge links one place to another, friendships connects one isolated person to another, and soon community is built. You can build connections in all areas of life. For example, build:

• spiritual community with people at church or a small group, prayer group, missions team, or one-on-one with someone like-minded

• social community through a bowling league, moms group, singles group, or coffee with friends

• intellectual community with people from work, a book group, or other group with shared interests

• physical community through a sports team, dance class, or workout partner for the gym

• neighborhood or city community through a local playground, neighborhood block party, or mentoring a disadvantaged youth

• virtual community, but make sure social media connections are not your only connections with other people.

With God, we have the most primary and meaningful connection possible. And that comes in prayer as we talk and listen. Ask God to make his presence real to you today. Ask him to help you to have hope that things can change in your life.  

You can also ask God to give you courage to reach out to another person or to bring caring relationships—with friends, family, or other new people—into your life. Finally, ask what you can do today to build a bridge to another person. 

Jesus said, “And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age” (Matt. 28:20). When you know God, you are never alone.

 

Excerpted from Powerful Prayers for Challenging Times (Revell/Baker Books) by Jackie M. Johnson.

 

 

Single at Christmas: Help When You Feel Alone

 

“It’s the most wonderful time of the year!” So says the popular Christmas carol. But for many singles, the holiday season can be one of the loneliest times of the year.

If you are not in a relationship, you may long for someone’s hand to hold as you shop, ice skate, look at Christmas decorations or sit by a cozy fire. Or, you may live far from family and friends, and can’t afford to fly home this year. Most of your friends have already left to visit their families, and here you are.

Alone.

Sure, there may be people bustling around you at the stores or coffee house. It’s some comfort to see others at holiday parties or church events. But something inside is still amiss. You long to have a deeper connection, positive and loving with someone of the opposite sex.

And yet, here it is: another Christmas alone.

Our mood can change when we change our perspective, and start feeding it words of truth and hope. I love the fact that we celebrate “God WITH us” which is what Emmanuel means. So in reality, you are never alone. The One that loves you most, The One who created you, God Almighty, is with you…right now…wherever you are reading this on the planet today.

You may be in France or Finland, Brazil or Boston, USA, but wherever you live, you are never out of the reach of God’s love for you. He cares about you; he is your protector and provider. He listens. When you talk to him in prayer, like you would speak with a friend, he hears it all—and sees your needs.

This Christmas, give God the desires of your heart. Tell Him how you feel and what you need. Ask God to fill your loneliness with a heart of joy as you…

Seek to help others. Service brings your heart joy! Find one small thing you can do to help someone in need. Lucy’s advice to Charlie Brown still hold true today: help someone else and you feel good too.

Adopt a pet. Many homeless dogs and cats need love and attention.

Call a friend or family member. Be the one to reach out and connect—you may just be surprised.

Get out of the house. Sometimes you simply need to be around other people and not just “virtual” connections on social media. We need face time with others!

Pray. Talk to God. You don’t have to use big words or long sentences. Just talk in a real way, in a heartfelt way….and He will listen. God always answers prayers. We just don’t know how or when. The answer may be yes, no or wait. But know that God wants the best for you!

So, to all my readers—single or married, young or seasoned, around the block or across the globe…

I wish you a very Merry Christmas and new hope for this bright new year!

Jackie M. Johnson