Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Resilience: Bouncing Back After A Breakup
Breakups can be difficult. When I was younger it seemed that every broken relationship I had with a guy was completely devastating. Back then, I didn’t have the emotional resources to handle the situation. After one particularly sad ending, I remember how hard it was to even eat. Lifting a fork to my mouth seemed like a Herculean effort.
I felt as if I was tree in a windstorm, tossed about an bending precariously close to the ground. The good news is that in time, the emotional storm ended. Gray clouds rolled away and revealed the hopeful light of the sun again. Hope returned!
Recovering from rejection takes time and the truth. Learning the truth about your situation, who you are in Christ and how much God loves you are keys to healing. You are loved, and you are worth being loved WELL.
Resilience is the ability to bounce back after hard times. Do you allow the tragedies of life to destroy you, or can you learn from them and move forward with new courage and hope that God will provide for you? Conside these ideas:
Accept the fact that life will never be the same again. You are different, the situation is different. In time, healing will come and you will grow to be a stronger and better person.
Express your feelings appropriately. Many people suppress their emotions and try to push them away. But like a beach ball shoved under the water, your emotions will pop back up again and they may come back up in a place and time you least expect it. Start by naming what you feel and letting yourself feel it (with yourself, a counselor or trusted friend). Like “I am angry…I am hurt…I am sad…”
Grieve the loss. Death, divorce, breakups, and the loss of a dream are some of the most devastating situations in life. Sometimes you just need to cry and cry out to God. He is always there with open arms to comfort and heal.
Look up with hope. Although it may not seem like it, your stormy times will end. We can have peace because God has a plan. We don’t know what tomorrow will bring but we know the One who knows. Never doubt the goodness of God.
Give God time. Healing comes step-by-step. Each day brings you closer, whether it’s through a friend’s phone call or a new truth learned in a book you've read. Some well-meaning people may say things like, “Get over it” or “Get on with your life.” But you can know that God has you on his timetable and His timing is perfect!
Learning resilience, recovering, and starting over is about letting go of what we think should happen and when it should happen. It’s total dependence on God to bring us back to wholeness. Healing will come. You will survive–and in time, thrive!
Lord, give me the strength to be resilient. May you bring growth from the pain, order from the chaos and abundance out of my lack. Fill me with Your love and joy again.
Labels: after a breakup, are we dating or just friends, bouncing back, breakup, Christian singles, resilience
Jackie M. Johnson is an author and freelance writer in Colorado. Her hope-filled and encouraging books include "Power Prayers for Women," "When Love Ends and the Ice Cream Carton Is Empty" and "Powerful Prayers for Challenging Times." Jackie also writes the Living Single blog on Dr. James Dobson's Family Talk website.