Getting Over a Breakup: Renovating Your Heart

Though I sit in darkness, the LORD will be my light.
Micah 7:8

He left you. You left him. Or, you both left. Whatever happened, breakups are messy, complicated and often devastatingly difficult. That’s because we’re designed for attachment and connection, not separation and disconnection.

Yet, for many singles, our dating lives are a series of hello’s and goodbye’s—attaching and detaching—from our teenage years until we stand at the altar (or don’t). We date and breakup, date and breakup in a crazy-making cycle. Often, people who marry and divorce find themselves back in the same pattern, too.

Doesn’t matter if it was two years, two months or two decades, the loss of love can be shattering. Your mind swirls with questions: What did I do wrong? Why did he leave? Aren’t I worth being loved well? What if I never find anyone like him again? What if I never find anyone again?

One day you’re sad, the next day you’re angry, and suddenly you’re just numb; you don’t feel anything because it just hurts too much to feel. Maybe you feel rejected, betrayed, or broken-hearted. If you’re the one who left him, you may be suffering guilt and shame. Either way, you just want the pain to stop. You want healing and you want answers.

Is it possible to get through this fragmenting process without falling to pieces?

Yes. Thankfully, yes.

Even though your relationship may have faded like a California sunset, your life can start again land of new beginnings. Just remember, it takes time—and a whole lot of truth—and it’s a process. A journey.

Your healing journey from pain to joy is like the cycle of a day—it goes from darkness to light. We’ll talk more about all this stuff in blog posts all through the month of January. But for now, here’s the big picture.

You’ve basically got these four stages: Twilight, Night, Dawn and Day.

Twilight is a time of endings.

Night is the darkness of grieving your losses.

Dawn is the awakening of truth about your true identity, about who God is and His place in all of this.

Day breaks is a brand new beginning, moving forward with joy into your future.

Bottom line: God redeems loss and pain and heals the heart to love again. He is all about restoration and transformation—from sadness to joy, from rejection to acceptance, and from brokenness to wholeness. The One who loves you most can help you reconnect again—to God, yourself, and others—and in the process to discover what real, healthy love looks like so you can make wiser choices next time.

The good news is that despite your soul injuries, you can live a full and joyful life. It may feel like “The End,” but your new beginning will come.