Single on Valentine's Day? 5 Ways to Find Hope on the "Love Holiday"

Valentine's Day is just around the corner. So I thought you'd like this post on five ways singles can find more HOPE on the "love holiday" and every day. I originally posted this on my "Living Single" blog. Enjoy and be blessed.


Single on Valentine’s Day?

February 14, the holiday that celebrates all things love and romance, can be challenging if you don’t have a special someone in your life right now. 

I know people in the “uncoupled” stage of life who bemoan their single status and gripe to just about anyone who will listen about what they don’t have:

“I just want a boyfriend."

"I just want to be married."

"Why does she get a second husband when I haven’t had one at all?” 

You probably know singles like that. I know I do. 

Then there are the cynical ones who mock the red heart holiday with snide remarks like, “Who cares? It’s just a Hallmark holiday anyway.” 

On a positive note, I know a bunch of interesting and intelligent single women who celebrate V-Day with friends—they throw a party and just have fun. Singles look at this romantic holiday with very different attitudes. 

So if you don’t have a boyfriend or girlfriend, and you want to not only endure but enjoy Valentine’s Day, you have some choices to make about your perspective and your attitude. Here are five ways singles can find more joy on the love holiday—and the rest of the year: 

1. Know and believe the truth. First, your feelings are valid. It’s OK to be discouraged when you don’t have someone special to love (or like). But don’t set up camp there. Move forward with hope by telling yourself the truth about your identity and your single status.

• God’s Word says you are dearly loved, the “apple of His eye.” He is with you; He is for you. He cares about every area of your life. Yep, even your love life. 

• Don’t allow one day of the year, February 14, define your identity. Whether you have a significant other or not, you are still worthy and wonderful. 

• Being single doesn’t mean that you are “less than” or “not good enough.” It’s simply not true. 

• And here’s a fact: You are not alone. Nearly 50.2 percent of us (or 124.6 million American adults) are single. 

2. Surrender. Sometimes we hold on so tightly to what we think we want and how the whole dating/marriage thing is supposed to play out. I have learned that the way to find peace is to surrender, to yield to the will of One who loves me most, and allow God to reign in this area of my life. Knowing that God wants the very best for me allows me to trust Him. 

In my book, When Love Ends and the Ice Cream Carton Is Empty, I talk about the fact that God is all about love and relationships. But sometimes we try to fill that desire for lasting love with other things, or people, and they leave us feeling empty and alone. 

“Often we try to load up our heart and fill the holes with what another person thinks, says, or does when it was meant to be filled by God. He won’t let anyone be our total fulfillment, otherwise we wouldn’t need Him. 

It’s not wrong to want a relationship. God is all about relationships…As we put God first in our heart affections, He fills up the emptiness and we are able to receive the love of others, retain it, and give it away. 

Perhaps you think because God hasn’t given you someone to love, that He doesn’t care or that He’s forgotten about your desires. God is not forgetful or uncaring. He is constantly at work in the lives of His children, and everything God does is for a reason—even His divine delays.” 

3. Prepare. Are you ready to be in a relationship? Maybe it’s time to think about getting rid of the garbage in your head and your heart—the stuff that no longer belongs—like bad attitudes about the opposite sex or a critical spirit.

Think about what you really want in your next relationship and how things can be different next time. Was the last guy you dated too serious and you want someone more playful? Did you have a hard time getting your previous girlfriend to attend church with you when that’s an important part of your life? 

4. Pray. Ask God to show you what needs to change in your own life to prepare for your next relationship. What areas of your life need work—your spiritual life, physical, social, financial and the like. Also, pray for your future husband or wife.

Prayer is talking to God and listening. And He loves talking to His kids. We can come confidently and boldly to Him and ask. 

5. Choose joy now. Don’t wait to have a man in your life or a woman on your arm to be happy. Sure, it’s Valentine’s Day and love is in the air. But you, single friend, can choose to have peace and joy in your life despite your circumstances.

If you get invited to a pity party, don’t RSVP! Make a plan to get together with other single friends. Celebrate love of all kinds and send a card (yep, snail mail) to family members or friends to show you care. 

Instead of drowning your sorrows in massive amounts of chocolate this Valentine’s Day, rejoice in who you are—dearly loved, special and chosen by God. Despite your feelings, you can choose joy today. 

Don’t let one candy-infused, heart holiday hijack your hope.

I, for one, choose to be confident and hopeful—on Valentine’s Day and every day of the year.

Single on Valentine’s Day: Take a New Look at Love

 

So it’s the big heart holiday and you don’t have significant other with whom to celebrate. No boyfriend or husband. No girlfriend or wife.

How will you respond?

Will you bemoan your state of singleness and complain to all your friends that there are no single men—at least good ones—left on the planet or choose to trust God for his perfect timing for whatever He has for you?

Don’t get me wrong. We all have our days. Who hasn’t grumbled with the girls about being alone? We can let our needs be known, but we don’t have to stay in a place of despair.

We have choices.  

You may want to click on my LIVING SINGLE blog post about how Cupid is a procrastinator, but God is always on time.

And, here are some other ideas:

You can choose to embrace all kinds of love on Valentine’s Day and celebrate the love of friends, family and others in your life. While you may not have eros or romantic love today, you can rejoice in the phileo or friendship love that’s all around you.  

And, of course, there’s the agape love of The One who loves you most, the One who created you, sustains you, provides for your needs and will never leave you: God Almighty.

Nothing compares. 

You can learn to become a woman of love. A woman of love makes smarter choices in relationships because she loves herself, others and God. Loving yourself means you can be yourself, not an exact replica of the man you’re dating.  

You have enough self respect not grovel when he says he no longer wants to go out with you. You say “no” when you really don’t want to spend time with a guy, instead of leading him on by trying to be nice.

You speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15).   

You can have faith, despite your circumstances. Faith is confidence, trust, assurance and reliance on one who is completely reliable.

“Know therefore that the LORD your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commands.” (Deuteronomy 7:9)

“One way or the other,” says Susie Larson in The Uncommon Woman, “You are called to faith—the stretching, reaching, I don’t-know-if-I-can-do-this kind of faith. And when you shift all of your hopes and dreams into the arms of the Most High God, you will find Him faithful.”  

Consider praying, even now, for the spouse God has for you.  Pray for his walk with God, that he will be a man of integrity, a man of his word, communicate well, be loving and affectionate, or whatever you need. Ask God to lead and guide each of you to each other—and when you do eventually meet that He will to protect and guide your relationship.  

Remember, God has good plans for you. His word says, “For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11).   

Hope is confident expectation. Whether your life will include marriage or not, only God knows, but you can walk on with hope knowing that He will provide for all your needs.  

Eugene Peterson says, “Hoping is not dreaming. It is not spinning an illusion or fantasy to protect us from our boredom or our pain. It means a confident, alert expectation that God will do what he said he will do. It is a willingness to let God do it in his way and in his time.”  

Happy Valentine’s Day. May you have an abundance of love in your heart today and every day.

How to Survive the Biggest Month for Breakups

Did you know that the month when most breakups occur is January?

That’s right.

It’s after the holidays (and who wants to be alone during “the most wonderful time of the year”?), and it’s before Valentine’s Day (the traditional love holiday for couples). If you are going through a dating relationship breakup or divorce, here’s some help and hope.  

The 12 Steps of Relationship Breakup Recovery are:

 
1. Deal with endings
2. Get the comfort and support you need
3. Grieve your losses
4. Heal your emotional pain (sadness, anger, fear, rejection, etc.)
5. Experience God’s amazing love for you
6. Discover the power of forgiveness
7. Learn to wait well
8. Awaken hope
9. Restore your confidence and self esteem
10. Wake up to the rest of your life
11. Make healthier choices next time
12. Live in the light

But, you may ask, HOW do you accomplish those helpful steps? You are in the right place to get the answers you need because every day—for the next 12 days—I am going to post the details.

So watch this encouragement blog, A New Day Café, and get ready to heal your heart and change your life. And, if you can't wait or you want more information, get your hands on the helpful breakup book, When Love Ends and the Ice Cream Carton Is Empty which I wrote to help readers just like you--or someone you know.

It’s time to leave the sadness behind and return to joy. You know why?

The rest of your life is waiting.

 

 

 

Happy Heart Day -- Whether You Have Someone Special or Not

Valentine's Day is just around the corner. If you have someone special to love--and be loved by--count your blessings. Be thankful. Treat him or her special every day, not just on the Love Holiday.

If you're on the other end of the love spectrum--getting over a breakup, then here's some hope.

Last week I was interviewed on the radio about my breakup book, "When Love Ends and the Ice Cream Carton Is Empty" (Moody Publishing) on WBCL - Fort Wayne, Ind. Our host talke with me and guest David Hawkins, a Christian author and counselor about how to deal with the myriad emtions of getting dumped--and how to move forward.

Need hope? Here's a link to the interview. Click on it, scroll down and click LISTEN NOW. Or, share the link with a friend in need.

http://www.wbcl.org/media-manager/when-love-ends

Take a listen. Find hope. And know that on Valentine's Day and every day you are loved. God not only loves you, he likes you. He provides, protects and (I love this one) he accepts us. Unconditionally. Just the way we are.

Wow.

Now that's a love that will certainly last a lifetime--and beyond.

A Single Girl Ponders Valentine’s Day—and Love

So I’m at the grocery store yesterday and I walk into a veritable Heart Fest. Seriously. I pushed my shopping cart through the front door and into a land of heart-shaped cookies, cupcakes, and balloons, red roses, teddy bears, and cards of all shades and sizes proclaiming love.

Ah, Valentine’s Day. The day of all things red-—and love

Then I noticed quite a few couples grocery shopping together, which is unusual. Or maybe I just noticed it more today. Some of these two-somes looked a lot like each other; they say that happens sometimes. Like the outdoorsy couple in hiking gear that looked like they just stepped out of the LL Bean catalog. Others, it seems, don’t resemble each other at all. But they’re together—-even at the grocery store.

Are these people in love? Or just getting by? Are they happy?

This I ponder as I meander to the deli. Here, the clerk slices my low sodium turkey, another seemingly mundane task on another mundane day. That is, until she looks up and sees someone named Phil walking by looking straight at her. He smiles and says hello. Deli Girl says “Hi” back with a smiled so wide you’d think she’d just won the Colorado lottery.

Hmmm.

What about the older woman with sneakers brighter than her Grandma-coif hairdo? She picks up and puts down steaks with an indecisive look. Does she have someone special to go home to with those steaks, or is she all alone tonight?

I wonder, as I stand in the checkout line next to a twenty-something guy with Red Bull and deodorant, how Love works.

Who picks whom and why? What attracts someone to another for life? What makes a couple work—or not? People have been coupling, loving, and doing life together for centuries. And yet, my head swims.

It is a mystery.

And then I remember. God is a God of mystery and miracles—especially when it comes to love. He excels at getting the right people together at the right time. If we let Him, He truly is the best Matchmaker ever.

That’s what I’m counting on. I want love to find me…real, mutual love that’s lasting and good. I trust that the Author of Love knows what I need in the man best-suited for me. And that He knows what you need, and who is best-suited for you.

Maybe one day my Love Story will begin. And I hope it’s a really good read. A mystery? Perhaps. But a good romantic comedy--

Now that would be delightful.

In the meantime, instead of bemoaning the love we don’t have, let’s celebrate—with friends, family, and others—the love we do.

Waiting for a Valentine? Maybe He's Already Here

Waiting for a Valentine

For love, the heart cries silently,
“Where are you?
When will you find me?”
Hopeful for a precious valentine.

Yet, waiting long it seeks to fill
The emptiness with its own will,
And imitations leaving lack,
Hungry for a faithful valentine.

At last a suitor is revealed,
Truth uncovered, not concealed,
Who shines with light supreme, sublime.
Are you my radiant valentine?

Love, he tells me is his name,
And Justice, he is just the same
For once he hung between two robbers on a tree –
My God, My God, my faithful valentine.

What Love is this that covers me --
And shields me from my enemies?
From death to life so powerfully,
My valiant valentine.

Your giving heart, so rare and free,
Your promise you will never leave,
Eternity of You and me,
My One true love valentine.

-- Jackie M. Johnson

Celebrating the Heart Holiday

We love because he first loved us. (1 John 4:19)


It’s the heart holiday again this weekend. The retail world is replete with red decorations and the relationship world is ripe with expectations.

Why do we celebrate this day of love? Legend has it that we commemorate Valentine’s Day (or technically, St. Valentine’s Day) because of a long ago Christian martyr named Valentine, and somewhere around the Middle Ages a man name Chaucer began the association with romantic love. Today about a billion valentines are sent each year across the world, according to the U.S. Greeting Card Association. Who knew?

If you have a special someone, you may be in a quandary as to what to give or what you will get this year. Flowers? Candy? Jewelry? A trip to the Bahamas?

Yeah.

Those of us in the single world, at least the ones without a significant other on February 14, have a choice to make. You could shrug it off as a “Hallmark holiday” and coolly declare that it doesn’t matter and you don’t care. Or, you could bemoan your single status and cry over your favorite comfort food and watch chick flicks.

However, you could choose to celebrate Love in a different way.

How about soaking up love from the One who loves you the most? Seriously. God’s love is the most amazing and lasting love you will ever have. Over and over he demonstrates his care. God attributes are myriad; here are a few of them:

He is faithful (Deuteronomy 7:9)

He is good (Psalm 100:5)

He is gracious and merciful (Psalm 145:8-9)

He is reliable (1 John 4:16)

He is wise (Proverbs 3:19)

He guides us (Proverbs 3:5-6)

He protects (Psalm 91:14)

His presence brings joy! (Psalm 16:11)

God is love (John 3:16 and 1 John 4:8)

Wow. Think about that for a while. Unconditional love. Total Acceptance.

In addition to God’s love, how about celebrating the other kinds of love you have in your life? Like the love of friendship, the love of family, or the love of your pet? Some women I know hold an annual Valentine’s Day lunch for their single women friends. They celebrate friendship love and have a good time eating, laughing and enjoying each other.

Here’s a radical idea: how about choosing to love your self on the heart holiday? Think about making some “Valentine’s Day Resolutions.” They’re like New Year’s resolutions, but they may have a more I-can-do-this stickiness factor to carry them out because they are based on loving yourself.

For example, you could decide to love yourself enough to: realize your true worth and value comes from God, not what others say about you…finally lose weight…make that phone call you’ve been putting off…send a hello email or letter to your parents and get reconnected…take a much needed vacation or even a day off…go to bed earlier and get the rest you need…fill in the blank here for what you need the most.

No valentine this year? No worries. You’ve already got the Love you need. Let’s celebrate!