Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Top 5 Lessons from “The Bachelor”
Well, this season of “The Bachelor” on ABC is over, but the emotions can linger for days. Whether you wanted Emily Maynard (the Southern blonde) or Chantal O’Brien (the Seattle brunette) to win, there was a lot of drama in the season finale this week.
Every time I watch this show I notice something about human nature. Many times, I want to walk right up to the women who are rejected and say, “Sure you feel lousy right now. Rejection hurts. But it’s what you DO with your emotions that will make the difference.”
I want to tell them a whole lot more, mind you, but instead I will share my observations with you. Here are five life lessons we can apply to our own lives gleaned from the women who put theirs on national television.
1)Handling rejection. Most of the rejected women riding away from the mansion in the limo often say, “What is wrong with me?” When the real question is: What are you telling yourself about this situation? Whether it was love or like, or just a crush, when the guy rejects you it’s not always about you. He is just trying to find the person who’s the “best fit” for him. Just as you should be looking for the best fit for your needs, personality, lifestyle and more. You can sob and tell yourself, “No one wants to be with me.” or you can say, “Wow, that hurt. But some day someone will appreciate all that I have to offer. I am worth being loved well!”
Say it with me, “I am worth being loved well.”
2)Deception. Okay, if you have watched this show or the companion show, “The Bachelorette” for any length of time you know that a modicum of deception is part of the show. When Chantal said, “How could I be so deceived?” I feel for her. She was in love with Brad Wommack. But, she didn’t know how he felt about the other person left at the end of the show. That’s because, on some level, Brad had to keep showing both women affection and attention when he knew in his heart he was gaga in love with Emily.
It’s a TV show, and Mike Fleiss (the producer) has to make “good television.” That means drama. And that means the bachelor has to play the game until the very end, even if it means hurting someone like lovely Chantal.
To his credit, Brad doesn’t seem to want to hurt anyone, but it’s part of the show. You have to play the game. And he did.
3)Don’t ask questions you don’t want answers to. At the “After the Final Rose” show Chantal asked Brad, “When did you know you wanted to be with her?” (meaning Emily, the woman he proposed to). He paused. Yep, he liked (or loved) Emily for a bajillion episodes, and Chantal had no idea. Notice how he didn’t really answer her. Enough said.
4)Always carry a purse. Did you ever notice how these women on “The Bachelor” never carry a purse! Perfect hair, makeup, and stunning dress, but no place to put the Kleenex you will need later on. Most women I know ALWAYS carry a purse, unless they are being wheeled into major surgery.
5)Know that there are different kinds of love and love does not always lead to marriage. Our American culture has only one word for love, while the Greeks had quite a few. Like PHILEO, which means “friendship love.” Can you say, Ashley H. She was fun and playful and it seemed like she was more of a good, close friend to Brad. How about AGAPE, that’s deep love but not marriage love. Enter Chantal. Brad loved her, but he had EROS love, “romantic love” with Emily.
Even though love does not always lead to marriage, it’s worth loving others. Don’t close your heart even when you’ve been hurt. Because one day, maybe soon, the right one for YOU will pursue you, will want you….and if you keep your heart open, and be ready, it might just be something great.
Chantal said, “Everything happens for a reason.” I couldn’t’ agree more. Have faith. Believe.
And watch what happens!
Jackie M. Johnson is an author and freelance writer in Colorado. Her hope-filled and encouraging books include "Power Prayers for Women," "When Love Ends and the Ice Cream Carton Is Empty" and "Powerful Prayers for Challenging Times." Jackie also writes the Living Single blog on Dr. James Dobson's Family Talk website.