Do you have a friend who’s an arrogant know-it-all or a spouse who nags you like a woodpecker on an
oak tree? Difficult people can be in our place of work, our
church or right in our own home.
But you don’t have
to live with hurtful words and put downs—or someone who is simply annoying.
You have choices.
No matter what happens or how people treat you, you can
choose how you will respond. You can respond defensively and angrily, or kindly
with respect and tact. You can change the subject. You can walk away. You can
choose not to argue and take the high road.
Of course, it’s natural to be offended when someone hurts
our feelings, but what we do with
that offense—whether we hold it inside and let it fester, or release it—makes
all the difference.
What are some
lessons we can learn from Christ’s examples of how he treated people (with
love, respect, and addressing the person’s true need)? How can
we deal with conflict and strife from the difficult people in our lives? Here
are just a few ideas:
Love. Jesus said radical
things like: Love your enemies. Human nature often wants to do the opposite. Sometimes
the most loving thing to do is to “speak the truth in love²” and say the hard
things, with kindness and tact, but also with boldness and truth.
Stay calm. James 3:18 reads, “Peacemakers who sow in peace reap
a harvest of righteousness.”
You can choose to be a person of peace despite your circumstances.
Keep perspective. Hurting
people hurt other people. The annoying person in the cubicle next to you may
have issues in his life you know nothing about. But, past pain in someone
else’s life doesn’t excuse bad behavior in yours. Knowing that may help you to
better deal with the situation since often the problem is not about you,
it’s about them.
Communicate with tact. Don’t blame or accuse, instead say, “When you
(describe their action), I feel (describe how you feel). “A gentle answer turns
away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1). Of course, there are times when, despite your
best efforts you may need to leave the room and handle the situation another
time so anger can diffuse.
Ask yourself, “What can I
learn from this?”
Pray. Most importantly,
pray for the person who’s annoying you, and for grace and strength in your
response. Your prayers are powerful and effective! Philippians 4:13 states, “I can do all this through him
who gives me strength.”
Coping with difficult people is part of life. It isn’t
always easy, but God will be your strength to help you overcome and deal with
that person in your office or your living room who’s not the easiest person to
be around.
Pray about your challenges. Give them to God, and ask for
wisdom, healing and hope. Then watch what happens.
You just might be surprised.
For more about
dealing with difficult people,
see Powerful Prayers for Challenging Times
by Jackie M. Johnson.
