Saturday, May 19, 2012

Looking for Mr. (or Miss) Right? 5 C's to Consider

There are many essential traits to look for in a date, and eventually a life partner. Here are five traits to consider: Christian, Communication, Character, Chemistry, and Calling.

1. If you are a Christ-follower you will want to date and marry a Christian--someone who has a committed walk with God, has accepted Jesus as his personal Savior and Lord, and is on a path of growth and discovery. He or she is not perfect, but their heart is seeking truth and wisdom.

What else does that mean for you? Do you want someone who will attend church with you every Sunday?  Do you want to pray together as a couple? Think about how you want to live out your spiritual life with another person.

2. Communication is key to any good relationship. It’s talking and listening, building rapport and intimacy, sharing and more. What kind of communication important to you in a relationship? Are you comfortable going deep in conversation, or do you prefer to stay in the shallow end? What is “good communication” to you? 

I remember a dreadful date with a man who did not talk to me almost the entire time we were together. Ron was a man from church with whom I’d spoken a few times. We had mutual friends and saw each other at singles events. One Sunday afternoon we drove to Green Bay for a Packers football game and he was completely silent throughout the entire game—including halftime! Even the long, soundless drive home was awful. I told myself that day that I needed a man who would not only talk with me but be a good communicator.

3. Character refers to his temperament, personality and moral fiber. Does he have integrity? Does his keep his promises, say what he means and mean what he says? How do your personalities mesh?  Do you have temperaments that are complementary?

4. Chemistry is another word for attraction. Is he handsome in your eyes? Does he have qualities that appeal to you? Is there that intangible “certain something” that makes you click as a couple?  Of course, chemistry and attraction are important in a relationship, but don’t let your feelings dictate your choices based only upon someone’s looks.

True beauty is more than a perfect smile or fit body. It’s both inner and outer qualities, and how that person makes you feel.  Additionally, chemistry is just one of the essential five C’s for a healthy and fulfilling match, one piece of the entire love puzzle. 

5. Calling is the term I’ll use here for God’s vision for your relationship. Is it right for the long term? Has God called you to marriage with this man to be his life partner? You can have all four of the five C’s, but if the “C” of Calling is not there, it will never work.

Finally, before you date someone—whether you meet on the Internet or at the office—make sure he is not married. Seriously. Don’t rely on him wearing a ring. 

Josh had the kind of captivating blue eyes you could dive into and swim laps in for hours. He was a new client at our firm and always stopped by my desk to say hello and chat briefly.  Of course, he always had something interesting to say and often I could only eek out pleasantries while I tried to remember my name.

His left-hand ring finger was bare; a good sign. No glint of a gold wedding band to be seen. Since there wasn’t a man in my life at the time, I had fun daydreaming about him. It was just for amusement, I told myself. Until the day I learned he was married. Married!  Yep. To the same woman for twenty years. Oh, and they have a bunch of kids. How in the world was that possible?  I mean, he never wore a ring and he was so nice. I was shocked, and surprisingly a bit hurt. I know I shouldn’t have been, but Daydream Man was gone. Who would I think about now? 

It was time to clear my heart and head of even the smallest inklings of desire for this person and get back to what I really wanted—a lasting love with someone who was truly available--God's best choice for me.

Your day will come. One step at a time, one choice at a time.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Dear Jackie,

I must take this opportunity to thank you for your posts. Life was so unbearable after my break up. I was tormented and sad. As I was searching the internet for God's help on this subject when I came across your blog.

I have read almost each and every article and through God's grace have found that your words were a comfort to my broken spirit. Thank you for your posts.

God works in mysteries ways: He has healed my heart and literally delivered a man of noble character to share my life and be my friend.

We have begun praying together as a couple, which I find to be a very beautiful and intimate.

God really can change situations - if we just allow Him to be the Lord of our lives and take control.