Wednesday, May 9, 2012

After a Breakup: Reflections on Rejection

No matter how hard someone tries to carefully choose their words as they are giving you the relationship send-off, rejection hurts.

Even if you only went out a few times the sting of feeling like a dating discard can send you into a what-is-wrong-with-me spiral. When a man says, “I’ll call you,” you want to take him at his word. But sometimes I wonder if people actually mean what they say with that phrase, or if it’s just filler, like a casual “See you later.” Countless women have shared the same story of having an amazing time on a date and at the end of the night those three little words come out of a man’s mouth and the woman doesn’t know what to think. Until he doesn’t call.

Whether you were together two weeks or two years, being rejected can leave you feeling unwanted, insecure, or “less than.”  Now you’re excluded from his life, and maybe from his friends, mutual friends, or his family. Somehow it doesn’t seem right that you lose this whole other community because you two are no longer together.

When you feel rejected, it’s important to remember that there’s “what happened” and “what you tell yourself” about what happened. Often, he is not rejecting you as a person, but making a choice on what is the best fit for him (just as you make a choice on what’s the best fit for you).

Not being chosen doesn’t mean you’re not acceptable. You are still worthy and wonderful whether the other person realizes it or not.  You may not feel very wonderful right now, but don’t let what someone else thinks erode your sense of self. 

Besides he may have his own issues to deal with too.  When he says, “It’s not you, it’s me” you may want to believe him. On the other hand, you may have things in your own life you want to change, like attitudes, beliefs or actions that are preventing you from lasting love.  It’s worth praying about and exploring how you can become your best self whether you are in a relationship or not.

No matter who initiated the breakup, you will always be significant and important in the eyes of the One who loves you most. Keep reminding yourself of the truth, because truth combats lies like light combats darkness. You matter to God, and He has unending love for you. You are the apple of his eye. He chose you. You are accepted in the Beloved.

You are enough, and you are worth being loved well.

Truly, your love life matters to God. He is still in control and He is leading you on a path to good purposes. Your new day will come. Keep on believing.

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