Dating, Friends or Friends with Benefits? Finding Clarity

Signs and signals are important for our safety on the road and in relationships.  Have you ever been in traffic and the car in front of you flashes a bright red left turn signal, and then suddenly turns right. Um – what’re ya doing? When a man sends mixed signals, it can be confusing. It’s time to ask questions and get clarification.

What kinds of signs is he giving you? Does he act like a boyfriend and then treat you like a friend? Does he just want to be physical (sexual) with you, and then act like he doesn’t even know you?

If he doesn’t pursue you, don’t settle for being a “friend with benefits,” someone who wants to just be a friend, and make out or sleep with you--with no commitment. Don't do it. You deserve better.

Seriously.

Think about this: Lust visits, love stays. Lust takes, love gives. Lust is selfish, love puts the other person first. You can tell over the course of time a man’s intentions. “Only time can reveal the difference between infatuation and lasting love,” says Bill Hybels in Fit to Be Tied.

To be a person of integrity, go to the source of integrity, the Bible. This helpful and holy book addresses what to do, and not do, with your body before you are married. We are to honor God with our bodies, not degrade them--or let someone use us when they have not intention of commitment.

For instance, 1 Corinthians 6:18-20 says, “Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.”    

Honor God with your body. How do I do that? 

By knowing and acting on the fact that sex is for two people who’ve made a commitment, a marriage covenant. In fact, one of the best gifts you can give your husband on your wedding night is yourself.

What a gift.

Hebrews 13:4 affirms that, “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.” God’s words, not mine.  

Sadly, sex before marriage is so prevalent in our contemporary culture that sometimes people forget God intended this intimate expression of love for a lifelong committed relationship called marriage. Not outside of it.

Look at it this way...

In the context of marriage, it’s a special and incredible thing that, like a fire in a fireplace, brings warmth, comfort and joy. In the wrong context, a cozy fire that burns outside of the fireplace’s boundaries becomes out of control and sets the house ablaze, damaging your property and destroying your life.

A beautiful thing, in the wrong context harms everyone. In the right context, it's simply amazing.

Know who you are, and what you want. Don't let anyone pressure you into something you don't want to do.  

Women, love yourself enough to let a man pursue you and commit to you, and don't settle for anything less.

You, my friend, are worth it.