Single at Christmas? Here's Some Christmas Cheer!

The stockings are hung. The presents are wrapped. The tree is aglow with lights. The fire burns brightly as carolers sing. And mistletoe is just waiting for you and your special someone to enjoy “the most wonderful time of the year!” 

Stop! Is this a Christmas movie we’re talking about? Because for many of us who are single or single again, it sounds like a fairy tale. Or a Hallmark card. Or someone else’s life. 

Yes, many singles struggle during the holidays to find the joy and the jolly amidst the holiday rush and the holly.   

What if you just broke up, or are recently divorced?
What if you can't afford to fly home for the holidays?
What if your family doesn’t gather—or you have no family to go home to?

 

And you feel lonely, sad, dejected or depressed.  

Here are some tips and gentle reminders to help you not just survive the holidays, but maybe even to thrive:  

Give and serve. Lucy in the Peanuts Christmas TV special was right. Charlie Brown was depressed and she advised him to get involved with the local community Christmas play. What can you do in your community to help others? Volunteer at a food bank. Help with a toy drive. Offer to baby sit while friends with children do their holiday shopping. Or, whatever moves you. Doing for others brings joy to them—and to you! 

Connect. Ask a friend to have coffee or tea. Share your heart with a trusted friend so he or she can empathize and pray for you. Sometimes it helps to just get it out and talk about how you’re feeling.  

Pray. Ask God to give you comfort and joy, and a sense of community. You never know what may happen to surprise you. One friend I know did not have any plans for Christmas Day. So she prayed and asked God for something to do on this special holiday. Then, just a few days before the holiday, she got an invitation to join a family she knew from church for their Christmas dinner and celebration.  

Enjoy it anyways. So even if you get no offers. Even if you end up alone on Christmas, decide to enjoy it anyways! You can buy some special foods you like, or treat yourself to a favorite meal (just pick it up the day before since many restaurants are closed on Christmas Day). We have choices! Even if “home for the holidays” will not happen for you, you can choose to focus on what you do have—not on what you don’t have.  

Focus on the true meaning of Christmas. You will find meaning and joy as you look to the true story of the birth of Jesus Christ: a baby, born of a virgin girl, who grew up to love and change the world. Amazing, but true, Love came down at Christmas—God WITH us. Emmanuel.  

 

So what is the meaning of that first Christmas night?

  Simply, He came to make everything right.

  For the Child had a purpose in coming to Earth.

He came as a light and to give us new birth.

 

He gave us forgiveness and paid with His life.

  What kind of love would pay such a price?

For death could not hold Him; He rose from that grave.

And freedom and life were the gifts that He gave.

 

No longer divided, no longer alone,

  Because of His love the wall had come down.

  Live free forever! O, what a gift!

Both now here on earth and forever with Him.

 

Wise men and angels followed Him then.

  Wise men still seek Him, again and again.

 

 

That’s from a poem I wrote some years ago about the true meaning of Christmas.

Finally, remember who loves you. Love changes everything. So, whether you have the love of a good woman or man—or don’t—you still have different kinds of love in your life that can be cultivated and CELEBRATED all through the year. Like the love of family or friends or pets or neighbors or others.  

And mostly, the love of a kind and generous God who is always there loving you—whether you feel it or not. Love came down at Christmas. For you. For me. On that you can rely.

 

Merry Christmas and blessings for an extraordinarily good New Year!

Jackie M. Johnson

12 Steps to Becoming a More Organized Woman

A Book Review

These days, almost everyone I know complains that they have too much to do and not enough time. How do you get it all done and stay organized in the process. Are there better ways to tackle the clutter, organize your house and maintain relationships with your spouse, kids, friends, and—most importantly—with God in this fast-paced life? 

Yes, indeed. Thanks to author Lane P. Jordan, getting organized doesn’t have to be difficult.  

In her newly updated and revised book, 12 Steps to Becoming a More Organized Woman: Practical Tips for Managing Your Home and Your Family (Hendrickson Publishers) Jordan provides a treasure chest of information to help make life more productive and satisfying.  

Check out some of these categories that Jordan tackles in her book: 

• Walking with God daily
• Working on your marriage
• The importance of time
• Balancing the demands of home and career
• Staying healthy and fit
• Health meals
• Details of the home
• Nurturing and providing for children
• Restoring yourself emotionally and spiritually
• And more…

With practical tips and spiritual insight for women who want to live a more balanced and productive life, this book can be a helpful resource.

Finding Joy Despite Your Circumstances

A thankful heart is a JOYFUL heart.

 
Where does joy come from?   

Does joy come from winning a trip to Hawaii? Or the bliss of holding a newborn baby? Or the calm delight of watching a pink-orange sunset with the one you love?  

Sure. All of those things can bring us joy, but what happens when it rains at the beach or the baby cries, or the one you love no longer want to watch sunsets with you?   

Yeah. Not good.            

Yet despite the frustrations life can bring, true joy is not dependent upon our circumstances. Though life’s joy stealers can be many, we can learn to have more joy in our lives. It starts with asking.  

Ask God for more joy in your life. 1 John 5:14-15 says, “This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him.” 

Here are a few good verses on finding JOY:  

• The joy of the LORD is your strength. Nehemiah 8:10
• The cheerful heart has a continual feast. Proverbs 15:15
• Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy. Psalm 126:5
• Worship the LORD with gladness; come before him with joyful songs. Psalm 100:2
• The Lord has done great things for us and we are filled with joy. Psalm 126:3

Finally, a heart full of praise and thankfulness is a glad heart.   

Praising God multiplies our joy and increases our faith. “Praise is the spark plug of faith. Praise gets faith airborne, where it can soar above the gravitational forces of this world’s cares. The secret of faith is continual praise even when your inward parts tremble, lips quiver, and decay enters your bones,” says Kay Arthur in When Bad Things Happen.  

Praising God for who He is and all He has done can start a smile quickly. Thanking Him for the relationships in our lives that bring us connection and cheer buoys our spirits as well.  

A thankful heart is a joyful heart.  

 

(excerpt from Power Prayers forWomen by Jackie M. Johnson)

Dealing With Losses and Getting Unstuck

"If you don't grieve well, you grieve all the time."

Sometimes life hurts. People move away. Or pass away, or break up with us. We get fired or yelled at. Or we’re misunderstood or mistreated. Whatever it is, it feels really bad. We just want the pain to go away.  

Certainly, in times of loss you need to cry. You need to get it all out. You have a right to your emotions.

 

But when months have passed, or years, there could remain some "emotional garbage." Which, like regular garbage in your home, needs to be taken out. Grief left unattended blocks your emotions as well as your movement forward into healing and wholeness.  

Bottom line: A loss of significance—a big loss—can get stuck in your heart if it is not processed.  

Stuck pain can also lead to unwanted behavior. You’re constantly sad or bitter, and it keeps you at arm’s length from other people, so you feel alone. You don’t feel like yourself, so you end up saying or doing things you don’t really mean—like blaming others or lashing out in unwarranted anger. You hurt others.  

It’s been said that if you don’t grieve well, you grieve all the time. While you may put on a good front for friends and co-workers, inside the lingering sadness remains.  

On the other hand, when you express your grief and deal with it, you can become emotionally stronger and healthier. That’s why it’s so important to grieve losses—to unblock your frozen heart so you can feel better, find joy and live a life of emotional freedom, serenity and love.  

It’s time to “drain the pain” and express your grief so you can move forward.  

How to Express Your Grief

Everyone heals in their own way and their own timing because love and loss is unique for each person. Here are some ideas on how to process your pain and release your sadness through grieving.  

1.     Acknowledge your loss. Getting through this season of grief and sadness begins by acknowledging that a loss has happened. Someone or something that was there is now gone.

2.     Pray and ask the Holy Spirit to help you do what you cannot do on your own. With His power, emotions expressed will begin the flow, unclogging your blocked heart. In time you will get unstuck and move from the darkness of loss and pain into the sunlight of restoration and wholeness. “The Lord upholds all those who fall and lifts up all who are bowed down” (Psalm 145:14, NIV).

3.     Ask for help from a close friend or family member who will listen as you share your story of loss. When someone listens to your heart, and hears your pain, he or she is a witnesses your sorrow and it can be life-changing.

4.     Let yourself cry. Get the hugs you need. Allow others to pray for and with you. And receive all the peace and comfort that God and others have for you.  

The good news is that you will not feel this way forever. Your gray days will one day turn to vibrant colors again. Perhaps it’s not today, or next week, but one day; maybe soon…  

Your new day will come.

 

For more information about dealing with sadness, grief

and life losses, see “When Love Ends” by Jackie M. Johnson.

There's an entire chapter on healing grief and losses.

Dealing with Difficult People

 

Do you have a friend who’s an arrogant know-it-all or a spouse who nags you like a woodpecker on an oak tree? Difficult people can be in our place of work, our church or right in our own home. 

 

But you don’t have to live with hurtful words and put downs—or someone who is simply annoying.  

You have choices. 

No matter what happens or how people treat you, you can choose how you will respond. You can respond defensively and angrily, or kindly with respect and tact. You can change the subject. You can walk away. You can choose not to argue and take the high road.  

Of course, it’s natural to be offended when someone hurts our feelings, but what we do with that offense—whether we hold it inside and let it fester, or release it—makes all the difference.  

What are some lessons we can learn from Christ’s examples of how he treated people (with love, respect, and addressing the person’s true need)? How can we deal with conflict and strife from the difficult people in our lives? Here are just a few ideas:  

Love. Jesus said radical things like: Love your enemies. Human nature often wants to do the opposite. Sometimes the most loving thing to do is to “speak the truth in love²” and say the hard things, with kindness and tact, but also with boldness and truth. 

Stay calm. James 3:18 reads, “Peacemakers who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness.” You can choose to be a person of peace despite your circumstances.  

Keep perspective. Hurting people hurt other people. The annoying person in the cubicle next to you may have issues in his life you know nothing about. But, past pain in someone else’s life doesn’t excuse bad behavior in yours. Knowing that may help you to better deal with the situation since often the problem is not about you, it’s about them.  

Communicate with tact.  Don’t blame or accuse, instead say, “When you (describe their action), I feel (describe how you feel). “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1).  Of course, there are times when, despite your best efforts you may need to leave the room and handle the situation another time so anger can diffuse.  

Ask yourself, “What can I learn from this?”  

Pray. Most importantly, pray for the person who’s annoying you, and for grace and strength in your response. Your prayers are powerful and effective! Philippians 4:13 states, “I can do all this through him who gives me strength.”  

Coping with difficult people is part of life. It isn’t always easy, but God will be your strength to help you overcome and deal with that person in your office or your living room who’s not the easiest person to be around.  

Pray about your challenges. Give them to God, and ask for wisdom, healing and hope. Then watch what happens.  

You just might be surprised.  

 

For more about dealing with difficult people,

see Powerful Prayers for Challenging Times by Jackie M. Johnson.

 

 

Dealing with Rejection after a Breakup

 

Breakups are tough. And no matter how hard someone tries to carefully choose their words, rejection hurts. Even if you only went out a few times the sting of their rebuff can leave you feeling like a dating discard or send you into a what-is-wrong-with-me spiral.  

Whether you were together for two weeks or two years, being rejected can leave you feeling unwanted, insecure, or “less than.”  How can you cope? 

When you feel rejected, it’s important to remember that there’s what happened and what you tell yourself about what happened. Often, a guy is not rejecting you as a person, but making a choice on the best fit for him (just as you make a choice on what’s the best fit for you).  

It’s crucial to know that not being chosen doesn’t mean you’re not acceptable. You are still worthy and wonderful whether the other person realizes it or not.  You may not feel very wonderful right now, but don’t let what someone else thinks erode your sense of self.   

Besides the guy may have his own issues to deal with too. When he says, “It’s not you, it’s me” you may want to believe him. On the other hand, there may be things in your own life you want to change—like false beliefs that are preventing you from lasting love. It’s worth praying about and exploring how you can become your best self whether you are in a relationship or not.  

No matter who initiated the breakup, remember that you will always be significant and important in the eyes of the One who loves you most.  

Keep reminding yourself of the truth, because truth combats lies like light combats darkness. You matter to God, and He has unending love for you. You are the apple of his eye. He chose you. You are accepted in the Beloved. You are enough, and you are worth being loved well.  

Truly, your love life matters to God. He is still in control and He is leading you on a path to good purposes.  

God redeems loss and pain and heals the heart to love again.

 

To learn more about healing from a dating relationship breakup or divorce,

check out When Love Ends by Jackie M. Johnson. Available in paperback or e-book.

 

 

 

 

Tired? Exhausted? Here's Hope for Peace and Rest

 

It was late when I finally finished eating dinner. Tired, bleary-eyed from a long week at work, I opened the kitchen cupboard to put away my leftover spaghetti, and stopped suddenly.

What am I doing?

I shook my head and laughed, and put the food in the refrigerator where it belonged. I was exhausted. The past few months had been a whirlwind, and tension was taking its toll.

Of course, putting Italian food in the wrong place was the least of it. Most nights I was up late working, folding laundry, or doing “one more thing” before bed wondering why the days were so long and the nights so short. 

I don’t think I’m the only one who has too much to do and never enough time.

In the exhaustion of daily living, we often complain, “There’s so much to do, and never enough time” instead of saying a quiet prayer, “Lord, I am so tired. Please help me.”

And that’s exactly what God will do when you ask Him.

Rest brings margin to your life, spaces that allow you to replenish and restore beauty and balance. Without it, life is an endless cycle of work, chores and errands. And that’s not what God intended. Joy, peace, fun and play are essential parts of life, too. 

Eugene Peterson explains the “unforced rhythms of grace” in The Message Bible:  

Come to Me. Get away with Me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with Me and work with Me--watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with Me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly. (Jesus, in Matthew 11:28-30)

 

Prayer

Lord, my hands are full and my mind is reeling with so many things to do. Will you please order my days and help me to get stuff done and find time to rest? As I work, help me to be productive and peaceful. As I love others, help me be calm and encouraging. I need Your peace in every area of my life today. Help me to find JOY despite my circumstances. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

 

(For more information on finding rest and relief from busyness and stress, check out "Powerful Prayers for Challenging Times" by Jackie M. Johnson.)