After a Breakup: Finding Hope and Healing

 

Walking Away

Most relationship breakups happen in January. Why? Because it’s after the holidays and before Valentine’s Day (the traditional love holiday for couples).

If you or someone you know are going through a dating relationship breakup or divorce, here’s some help and hope. You can get through this confusing and painful time. Here are the 12 Steps of Relationship Breakup Recovery:  

1. Deal with endings

2. Get the comfort and support you need

3. Grieve your losses

4. Heal your emotional pain (sadness, anger, fear, rejection, etc.)

5. Experience God’s amazing love for you

6. Discover the power of forgiveness

7. Learn to wait well

8. Awaken hope

9. Restore your confidence and self esteem

10. Wake up to the rest of your life

11. Make healthier choices next time

12. Live in the light

 
But how do you do this?

Check out my helpful breakup recovery book, "When Love Ends and the Ice Cream Carton Is Empty" (in print or e-book) or share it with a friend who’s going through this painful event. It's not fluff. It's packed with encouragement, insight and practical get-your-life-back tips from someone who's been there.

And check out the rest of this encouragement blog, A New Day Café for lots of insight on recovering from a painful breakup. I will be posting more in the new year too.

You can lose the pain; find joy again. It's time...

 

The rest of your life is waiting.

 

 

Dealing with Rejection after a Breakup

 

Breakups are tough. And no matter how hard someone tries to carefully choose their words, rejection hurts. Even if you only went out a few times the sting of their rebuff can leave you feeling like a dating discard or send you into a what-is-wrong-with-me spiral.  

Whether you were together for two weeks or two years, being rejected can leave you feeling unwanted, insecure, or “less than.”  How can you cope? 

When you feel rejected, it’s important to remember that there’s what happened and what you tell yourself about what happened. Often, a guy is not rejecting you as a person, but making a choice on the best fit for him (just as you make a choice on what’s the best fit for you).  

It’s crucial to know that not being chosen doesn’t mean you’re not acceptable. You are still worthy and wonderful whether the other person realizes it or not.  You may not feel very wonderful right now, but don’t let what someone else thinks erode your sense of self.   

Besides the guy may have his own issues to deal with too. When he says, “It’s not you, it’s me” you may want to believe him. On the other hand, there may be things in your own life you want to change—like false beliefs that are preventing you from lasting love. It’s worth praying about and exploring how you can become your best self whether you are in a relationship or not.  

No matter who initiated the breakup, remember that you will always be significant and important in the eyes of the One who loves you most.  

Keep reminding yourself of the truth, because truth combats lies like light combats darkness. You matter to God, and He has unending love for you. You are the apple of his eye. He chose you. You are accepted in the Beloved. You are enough, and you are worth being loved well.  

Truly, your love life matters to God. He is still in control and He is leading you on a path to good purposes.  

God redeems loss and pain and heals the heart to love again.

 

To learn more about healing from a dating relationship breakup or divorce,

check out When Love Ends by Jackie M. Johnson. Available in paperback or e-book.

 

 

 

 

After a Loss or Breakup: God's Love Changes Everything

Loss of any kind is difficult. But what can we learn from our losses? One of the best gifts we learn is how much God loves us.

Many, many years ago a man named Job suffered greatly. Through the losses, lack, physical pain, embarrassment, and more this good, honest man was being tested and refined. You can read the whole story in the Bible’s book of Job.

Just as gold is refined by intense heat, the heat was on in Job’s life. Finally, he prayed and poured out his heart and troubles to God. And God spoke, confronting Job’s ignorance with an amazing answer about God’s greatness.

Humbled and amazed, Job answered back. “Then Job replied to the LORD: "I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted…My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you…(Job 42:1-6).

Bottom line? The man had heard about God, but now Job had experienced the LORD firsthand and he was never the same again.

Love changes everything.

No matter how hard life is, we need to know “the unchanging truth of who God is and what He’s accomplished for us”—the true character of the One who “reveals the deep things of darkness and brings deep shadows into the light.” (Job 12:22)

In your own personal night time—when you feel sad, lonely, or in angst over lost love or dating defeats—God provides light for the way to your new beginning. When you know more about who God is (His character), what He has done and is doing even now, then your response to Him and to your circumstances changes dramatically.

To experience God’s amazing ways on deeper levels we need to “forget not all his benefits.” (Psalm 103:2).

Like unconditional acceptance. Despite our failures and imperfections, God accepts us. No matter who you are or what you’ve done, God’s radically good unconditional love and forgiveness reach everyone. We just need to make the choice to reach back.

Some of the other incredible characteristics about God include:

            His forgiveness (Luke 7:48)
            His mercy (Lamentations 3:22-25)
            His grace (Ephesians 2:8)

            His compassion ((Psalm 103:13)
            His comfort (Psalm 94:19)
            His wisdom (1 Corinthians 1: 20-30)
            His guidance (Psalm 43:3)

            His freedom (John 8:36)
            His healing (1 Peter 2:24)
            His goodness (Psalm 145:9)

            His holiness (Psalm 99:5)
            His majesty (Exodus 15:11)
            His hope (Psalm 62:5)

            His provision (Matthew 6:25-24)
            His protection (Psalm 4:8)
            His power and authority (Matthew 28:18, 19)
            His peace (John 14:27)

When God’s incredible love fills us first, we are not starving for love and approval from others and that helps us to make better choices in the people we date or eventually marry.

 

 

Healing Emotional Pain After a Breakup or Loss

 

 

In choosing to face the night,

I took my first steps toward the sunrise.

Gerald L. Sittser

After a large loss or a breakup, sometimes it’s hard to move on. You may feel like it’s the darkest midnight in your life, but take heart: a new day, a brighter day will come again!

The next step toward getting there is emotional healing. That is, dealing with your emotions and not ignoring them.

Dealing with emotions is essential to your emotional, physical, and spiritual health. But many people don’t always want to face how they’re feeling. Here are a few reasons why: You don’t think it matters. You’re confused by how you’re feeling and you don’t know how to handle it. You know what to do, but you don’t want to go there. You fear what others will think.  Or you may feel like you’ll look weak or stupid, even to yourself.

Yet there is immense value in dealing with your stuff. While your relationship may be over, your life isn’t. It’s time to get some life back into your life!

By identifying, expressing and releasing emotions, your heart will begin to heal. Identify your emotions. What are you feeling? Sad, angry, resentful, hurt, numb…or something else? When you acknowledge that emotion to yourself (“I am feeling ____.”). Hard as it is, feel your feelings, learn to express them in healthy ways, and you will find release, freedom and peace.
 

Anger

“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every     form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Ephesians 4:31, 32

Fear

In God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me? Psalm 56:11

When I am afraid, I will trust in you. Psalm 56:3

Whether you feel angry, rejected, fearful, or any other emotion, you can choose what you want to do with them; your feelings don’t have to control you. You can challenge false beliefs, reject lies, and choose to live in the power of God’s truth. Like the lies of: “I must have this person in order to be happy” or “I am nothing without you.” Not true!

Keep reminding yourself of the truth, because truth combats lies like light combats darkness. You matter to God, and He has unending love for you. You are the apple of his eye. He chose you. You are accepted in the Beloved. You are enough, and you are worth being loved well.

Truly, your love life matters to God. He is still in control and He is leading you on a path to good purposes.

For more on healing your heart from a relationship breakup, check out, "When Love Ends" by Jackie M. Johnson

After a Breakup or Loss: Healing is a Journey, Grieving Your Losses

 

Healing a broken heart is a journey. 

From sadness to joy, anger to peace, rejection to acceptance, and brokenness to a greater level of wholeness, the road to recovery is different for everyone. That’s because loss is different for everyone. Indeed, loss is personal. How you get over someone you once liked or loved and how long it takes will vary.

It’s important to note that the healing takes place in the journey, not at the destination. The lessons you learn along the way and the choices you make can change and transform the landscape of your heart. But remember: Healing is a process and it takes time.

One of the most essential lessons I learned in my season of desert darkness was the importance of grieving losses—going through not around the pain. It was a pivotal point in getting into freedom and joy.  

But like springtime— the shoulder between the dead of winter and the glory of summer—grieving lasts only for a season.  

It’s been said that if you don’t grieve well you grieve all the time. While you may put on a good front for friends and coworkers, inside the lingering sadness remains. That’s why it’s so important to grieve losses—to unblock your frozen heart so you can feel better, find joy, and live a life of emotional freedom, serenity and love.

Grieving a loss is not a linear process. There is no right or wrong order in which it must be done.  When the waves of sorrow come, ride them out; they will not destroy you. Eventually the waves that once pounded you so hard will have less and less impact, and finally recede.

What else can you do?

Acknowledge your losses. Getting through this season of grief and sadness begins by acknowledging that a loss has happened. Whether you left, he left, or it was a mutual agreement, something that was there is now gone.

Ask for help. Pray and ask the Holy Spirit to help you do what you cannot do on your own. With His power, emotions expressed will begin the flow, unclogging your blocked heart.

Let yourself be sad. Tears are a cleansing emotional release from a wellspring deep inside of us that need to get out; they are part of unblocking our inner stuckness and pain.

Recognize what you’ve lost and what remains. It can be helpful to make a list of your losses—and the good things you still have.

Pray. No matter what your circumstances, prayer is powerful. Prayer changes things. And it changes us.

Whether you pray alone, with friends, or a prayer partner, talking and listening with God in a holy dialog is the most important thing you can do to heal your broken heart. It doesn’t have to include elaborate words; it can be simple and heartfelt—as if you were talking to a friend, because indeed you are.

 

After a Breakup or Loss: Getting Comfort and Support

 

Breakups are painful because something has been wounded. But unlike most physical injuries, the pain is on the inside and you can’t see it. You can, however, see the effects of being left or leaving, and often you feel it.  

No matter how long you’ve been together or who broke up with whom, the stress from the emotions of rejection, shock, anger, or betrayal can be felt in a variety of ways.  

One friend of mine said that when her boyfriend told her he’d been seeing someone else she felt like he tore her heart right out of her chest. You may feel like you’ve been kicked in the stomach, or you may not feel anything at all—at least initially. You may still be in shock. Of course, these are perfectly normal reactions to bad news. But you don’t have to stay in pain.  

Here are some essential and heart-healing ways to find the comfort and support you need to start your healing process:

Let yourself cry. Crying is a normal and healthy response to a sad situation. Perhaps you’re a person who holds back tears. You may think that if you start crying you will never stop. Let yourself cry. Just let it out. Even if you have to set a time limit, getting your feelings out in this way can be extremely healing.  

Talk to God in prayer. Prayer is a vital key in your healing process. Basically, it’s about talking and listening to the One who loves you most. Why not start each day with prayer for wisdom, guidance, healing and favor and end each day with a prayer of thanks and gratitude for all He’s done for you that day (whether you enjoyed it or endured it)?  

Worship also brings healing and comfort. In worship, you’re not just singing songs. You’re focusing on God, not yourself. Give God your pain, and enter into His presence. You are communicating your love, gratitude and adoration—but you also end up receiving hope, healing, joy and a fresh encounter with God.  

Put his stuff away. It can be very helpful to put away reminders of the person who just dumped you. It’s hard to move forward into your new future when mementos of your past are pulling you back. If you’re not ready to discard them, box up the photos and treasured objects and put them in storage until the time is right to get rid of them.  

Talk with trusted friends or family members. Albert Schweitzer once said, “At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.” We need our friends to comfort and support us in our times of need. Telling your story can help to ease your heart’s pain and bring emotional healing. 

Write your thoughts and prayers in a journal or notebook; doing so can be very beneficial. When your feelings appear on a page (or even typed online), they are no longer swirling inside your head. You can vent your emotions, release your pain and do so in the privacy of your personal journal.  

Nurture your spirit. When your heart is hurting it’s helpful to take care of yourself and remember what makes you feel good. What would best nurture your soul, mind and body right now? What brings you the most comfort when you need heart healing? 

Be encouraged. This is a time of transition.  You’re going from a being couple to a single, from a “we” to a “me.” Change takes time and we all handle it differently, so be good to your self in the process.

 

 

Prayer for heart healing

 

Dear Lord, I am really hurting today. How could this happen?  I simply do not understand. I am sad, and angry and hurt and heartbroken. I give you my pain and cast my cares into the ocean of your love and comfort. I choose to trust You, and remember that no matter what happens you are faithful, kind and good. Even when I do not see where the plot is going, You are still the author of my story. I need You, Lord. I need your close presence. Help me to rest in the comfort of your love. Restore my shattered heart. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

After a Breakup: Dealing with Endings

 

It’s over. Your relationship has ended. Game over. You got dumped. He left or you left—either way you broke up. Now what?

When it comes to breakups, everyone around you will most likely have an opinion. Even your most well-intentioned friends who say things like: Forget about it. There are other fish in the sea. I never liked him anyway. Just get over it. But how?  

How do you heal a broken heart? How do you get rid of the awful kicked-in-the stomach feeling and become a person of resilience, courage, and joy? How do you leave…grieve…and learn to trust and love again? How do you begin again, especially when you just don’t want to?  

It helps to have some perspective… 

Endings are a part of life. In fact, much of life is about beginnings and endings, transitions and changes, losing and finding anew. You graduate from high school or college, and start a job. You leave a job or ministry, and start another one. Sometimes you move from one part of the country to another and start all over again.  

Transition isn’t always easy. For some, adjusting to transition is smooth, for others it’s rocky and staggered. Loss and gain, good and bad, life and death are all part of life, and life has its cycles. You will not stay in this ending phase of life forever; a new beginning will come. You may not know when or how, but it will. Just like the springtime comes every year, even after the hardest of winters.

How you respond to hard times makes a difference. If you pretend life is a storybook with only happy endings, it’s not reality. Hard things happen. Sometimes we lose people or things we treasure. But it does not mean we are losers. I’ve heard that Chuck Swindoll says, “It’s not always what happens to you, it’s how you respond to it that makes a difference.”  

You have choices. You can choose to ignore your pain, numb out, try to forget about it, or do nothing. Or, in the midst of your pain and darkness, you can look to the light of God’s truth for hope, healing and wholeness.  Either way, it’s your choice. How you handle endings, or don’t, will determine how you move forward.  

Keep reading, my friend, since each of the next 12 days will provide help and hope to get you from the rejection and sadness into the light of truth and joy again.

 

(For more about dealing with endings from a relationship breakup, check out When Love Ends by Jackie M. Johnson.)

 

 

How to Survive the Biggest Month for Breakups

Did you know that the month when most breakups occur is January?

That’s right.

It’s after the holidays (and who wants to be alone during “the most wonderful time of the year”?), and it’s before Valentine’s Day (the traditional love holiday for couples). If you are going through a dating relationship breakup or divorce, here’s some help and hope.  

The 12 Steps of Relationship Breakup Recovery are:

 
1. Deal with endings
2. Get the comfort and support you need
3. Grieve your losses
4. Heal your emotional pain (sadness, anger, fear, rejection, etc.)
5. Experience God’s amazing love for you
6. Discover the power of forgiveness
7. Learn to wait well
8. Awaken hope
9. Restore your confidence and self esteem
10. Wake up to the rest of your life
11. Make healthier choices next time
12. Live in the light

But, you may ask, HOW do you accomplish those helpful steps? You are in the right place to get the answers you need because every day—for the next 12 days—I am going to post the details.

So watch this encouragement blog, A New Day Café, and get ready to heal your heart and change your life. And, if you can't wait or you want more information, get your hands on the helpful breakup book, When Love Ends and the Ice Cream Carton Is Empty which I wrote to help readers just like you--or someone you know.

It’s time to leave the sadness behind and return to joy. You know why?

The rest of your life is waiting.

 

 

 

The Breakup Book - Healing the Hurt After a Breakup

 

Going through a relationship breakup? Know someone who is? "When Love Ends and the Ice Cream Carton Is Empty" can bring comfort and healing to the dark time of a breakup or divorce. You'll discover how to process the pain, deal with your greif and loss, and learn ways to make better choices in what you want (and don't want) in a relationship next time.

 

Share the hope with someone who's hurting. Here's a brief excerpt from the book:

 

          And then the day come comes when you don't think about him every day, and the mention of his name doesn't pierce your heart like a verbal arrow, a barb straight into your heart. You can drive past your special place it no longer has a hold on you. It’s just a place. You know who you are and what you want and it's okay. You know God loves you. And that makes all the difference.

 

The sun sets, the heart breaks, but the light of God’s brilliant and illuminating truth shines on. You come to realize that endings are a part of life, and so are new beginnings.

 

And you learn that God redeems your loss and pain, and heals the heart to love again. And one day everything really will be okay.  Maybe not today, but some day. 

 

As the tears pour out you discover that everything happens for a reason, even when you don’t understand or like it.  Bleary-eyed, you look up and smile as it begins to settle in your heart that God really is in control; He knows what He’s doing, He cares and He is working all things together for the good whether the relationship door slammed shut or gently closed behind you.

 

A door closes, a window opens, and a fresh breeze blows into the stale mourning stillness that lingers your heart. In the midst of your mess, God surprises you, and things begin to change…

 

What time is it in your life?  The edge of evening is approaching; it’s time to get the comfort and support you need to begin the heart healing process. The rest of your life is waiting.

 

After a Breakup: Dealing With Anger

The start of a new relationship is often bliss. You’re energized, excited and happy. You think about him all the time and you can’t wait to be near him again. It feels so wonderfully good to have that air of anticipation and expectancy as you wonder what’s going to happen next.

You soon discover that you really enjoy each other, and maybe you even begin to envision a life together. I think Robert Browning must have been in love when the poet penned, “God’s in his heaven—all’s right with the world.”

Then Cloud 9 bursts. Instead of walking on sunshine, you can hardly slug through the day because longing and loss are weighing you down. Or you’re a bundle of nerves, you’re totally confused or you’re mad as a hornet.

Breaking up produces a multitude of emotions. What do you do with them? Or should you do anything with them?

While your relationship may be over, your life isn’t.

By identifying, expressing and releasing emotions you can find relief. It's not the emotion itself, it's what you do with it that matters. Left untreated or unexpressed, emotional pain can wreak havoc in your love life. You may sabotage a perfectly good relationship because of your own commitment fears. Or, you may withhold affection and trust because others have wounded you deeply.

The good news is you can get rid of emotional pain. In time, night will give way to day, and then a brand new day—your new beginning!

Let's take the emotion of anger, for instance.

1. You can write an anger letter expressing to God about what happened during your breakup and/or since then, and how you feel about it. It can even include things that happened during the time you dated, if needed. Pour out your heart—what you’re mad about and why.

2. Or, you could write a different kind of anger letter. This exercise helps you to get the release you need, but you never ever mail the letter. Picture the person who broke up with you sitting across the table from you as you write. If you could say anything you wanted to him or her right now, what would you say?  If you could say anything to them in a Christ-like way, what would you say? It’s up to you how much to include.

Basically, the purpose of the letter it to get the emotion out of you and release it. No one else will ever see what you write and you can feel safe to express yourself, vent, and be free of the tangled emotions inside of you. When you’re done, you can choose to burn or shred it if you’d like, but never (never!) mail it.

3. Write an anger action plan. In the midst of a heated conversation, sometimes you may need to leave so you (or the other person) can cool off and address your issues later. When you need to think through why you’re irritated, this can be helpful. Make a list of what happened, if you need to respond (you may not), how it makes you feel, and some potential ways you can respond. Then, after you’ve reviewed your options you can choose what to do. It will be helpful to pray before you begin.

For example:

What happened? Tony constantly cuts me off before I can finish a sentence.

Do I need to respond? Yes, I feel like I need to stand up for myself.

How does this make me feel? I feel angry when Tony doesn’t let me finish what I’m saying. I feel like what he has to say is more important than what I want to say. I feel diminished and unimportant.  

Options to responding: When Tony cuts in when I’m talking, I could say, “Could I please finish my sentence?” or “I wasn’t done yet.” Or, I could spend less time with Tony.  Or. . .?

4. Other ways. There are other ways to manage your anger too. Some people find it helpful to get punch pillows, talk to a trusted friend, pull out the Bible and read, journal their thoughts, go workout, or get outside for a long walk or bike ride. A good hearty laugh or getting some humor into your life can advance your heart toward joy again. In other words, find activities that relieve stress for you.


For more help getting through a relationship breakup, see When Love Ends and the Ice Cream Carton Is Empty by Jackie M. Johnson.

 

 

Getting Over a Breakup: 12 Essential Steps to Finding Joy

 

 

Relationship breakups are often messy, baffling, and just plain hard. Whether you’ve been together for a few years or a few months, you may be feeling sad, angry, confused, rejected, or betrayed. With myriad emotions swirling in your heart and head, it’s important to know that how you deal with endings—don’t—will determine your heart healing and your future love relationships.

 

Some mistakenly believe that “time heals all wounds” or you just have to “get over it.” Others ignore the pain thinking it will just go away. Maybe you’ve tried to soothe the sorrow and fill the void in unhealthy ways: with excessive eating, drinking, shopping, or partying. But you end up stuffed, sloshed, broke, and tired—and you still have a broken heart. When the party’s over, or when the ice cream carton is empty, how do you get past the pain?

 

If you’re stuck in your story, and you can’t seem to let go, maybe it’s time for a heart healing journey—from sadness to joy, and from your darkest night to your brightest days.

 

Psalm 18:28 says, “My God turns my darkness into light.” When you embark on a night into day journey to deal with your heartbreak pain you’re on your way to a bright new beginning.

 

Remember, you are never alone and you will not stay in this painful place forever—God is with you and you’re just passing through.

 

When you deal with your breakup pain—instead of avoiding or ignoring it—you can find new hope, courage and joy, and be better prepared to find the healthy and lasting love you truly desire. Often a period of adjustment is needed to go from being a couple to a single again, from being a “we” to a “me.” But you can get through it!

 

Here are 12 essential things you can do to heal your heart and change your life:

 

1. Have heart boundaries. First, stabilize the situation. Just like a physical injury, your heart needs care and recovery time. A broken arm is set in a cast, and “heart boundaries” allow you to separate from the source of pain and protect you from further injury. For instance, you may need to be away from the other person, at least for a time, so you can heal. Don’t keep having post-breakup talks. Don’t call, email or text him just to see how he is, and don’t drive by his house or workplace; it’s hands off. It can be extremely difficult, like withdrawal from a drug. It feels awful and lonely and different, but that’s part of the process—the kind of hurt that heals.
2. Put his stuff away. Get rid of photos or things that remind you of him. Or, box up and store it if you’re not ready to deal with things yet.
3. Get the comfort and support you need. Let yourself cry. Spend time in prayer and pour out your heart to God in a journal or notebook. Talk with trusted friends or family members who will listen and be supportive. Find a good Christian counselor if you need to. Nurture your senses: go for a walk and see the beauty of nature, enjoy the smell of fresh cut flowers, the taste of your favorite comfort foods (in moderation), the sound of relaxing music, or the comforting touch of a hug from a really good friend.
4. Learn from it. Ask God what He wants you to learn from this breakup. What are the “treasures in darkness” and “riches stored in secret places” (Isaiah 45:3) God has for you at this time, this season, of your life?
5. Process emotional pain – It may feel like the midnight hour, but even in our darkest times, God provides night lights. With the light Christ provides we can be encouraged, equipped and empowered to journey through the heart healing process and find restoration and transformation.
1. Deal and feel. In order to heal you have to deal with your emotions. As you feel your feelings, grieve your losses and surrender to God this relationship that didn’t work out you will find release.  
2. Grieving losses is key. You may have incurred loss of love, the loss of affection, and the death of your hopes and dreams with this person. You can “drain the pain” by acknowledging your loss, asking God and others for help, letting yourself be sad, and recognizing not only what you’ve lost but also what remains.
6. Forgiveness is a major way to release breakup pain—forgiving others and yourself. It’s helpful to remember that forgiveness is not forgetting. It’s not condoning what happened. It’s taking them off your hook, and putting them on God’s hook for justice. Romans 12:19 says, “Do not take revenge...” because God will avenge and repay. Forgiveness is not a one-time event, and you may not feel differently right away. An act of your will, forgiving the other person releases you, and leads to freedom and peace.
7. Choose to let go. Often it feels like we cling tightly to the past just like the brown crunchy leaves that cling to barren tree limbs in winter. Their season has passed, yet they still don’t let go. We need the power of the Holy Spirit to blow a fresh breeze into our lives and enable us to do what we can not do. As you release your grip on what you are holding to so tightly, and replace it with Jesus’ unchanging truth), He will restore your weary, wayward or willful heart.
8. Align your thinking with God’s truth. Sometimes your thought life can get hijacked on the Highway of Hope. Rein in your wandering mind and find the power you need to do hard things with God’s truth. The Bible, the Word of God, is a guard rail to keep you safe and on the right path. 2 Corinthians 2:5 reminds us that “we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” Keep reminding yourself of the truth, because truth combats lies like light overcomes darkness.
9. Awaken Hope – The first light of day helps you to see better with your eyes, and the light of God’s truth lets you “see” with your heart. You gain insight and understanding about your situation, about God, and about yourself. It’s a turning point in your healing journey.
10. Experiencing God’s love. After a breakup a few years ago I learned that: God is all-wise, and I can trust Him even when I do not understand (Proverbs 3:5, 6). He is not withholding something good; He is protecting and saving me for His best (Proverbs 16:9, NASB). We were created for His purposes, not the other way around. But the best news is that God is near, and loves you more than you will ever know. He is at work healing your broken heart. “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” (Psalm 147:3)
11. Rebuild your self esteem. After being rejected (or rejecting someone else), the landscape of your heart can get worn away. Like erosion of soil after a rainstorm, erosion in our emotions can come from another’s constant criticism or negative words. To overcome emotional erosion, plant seeds of truth in your life. When the roots grow and go deep into God you will be more stable, strong, and built up in your true identity. Instead of putting yourself down, build yourself up with truth; watch your negative self talk. Remember, losing at love does not make you a “loser.” You are worth being loved well.
12. Move forward – The darkness and pain of the past eventually fades and you begin to move forward into a brand new day. You wake up to the rest of your life and learn to make healthier choices next time. (for more about all of these points, see my book, “When Love Ends and the Ice Cream Carton Is Empty” by Jackie M. Johnson)

There is life after loss, joy after sorrow, and peace after pain. There is hope. One day it really will be okay. One Day. Until then, live in the light. And keep on walking. When love ends, healing can begin.

 

The rest of your life is waiting—and the best days are ahead.