When Life Is Hard: There Is Hope

 
You’re sad. Broke. Frustrated. Stressed out. Angry. Hurt. Someone has done you wrong—or you’ve done something stupid, and you know it.  You just want to give up. To quit.

Whether you’re dealing with a breakup, unemployment, a person who drives you crazy or something else, life can be just, plain hard sometimes.  

Maybe you’re in desperate need and there never seems to be enough—enough money, enough love, enough time—and you’re simply tired of it.  

Everyone faces adversity. How do you deal with it? When tough times get you down, how do you cope? 

The good news?  

You can have hope in hard times—in all times—when you know more fully the One in whom we put our hope: Jesus Christ. 

He is “wild” in the sense that He is passionate and powerful, adoring and authoritative, yet often unpredictable.

 

Isaiah 55:8 reminds us, “‘For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,’ declares the LORD.” Hope that is wild is extravagant; it is beyond your wildest dreams.  

While His ways are often surprising, God acts out of ultimate love.

Even when you haven’t a clue as to how things will ever change, you can have hope for the future and for this very moment because:  

·       God is sovereign. He is in control and you can trust Him even when you do not understand.  

·       God is loving. He accepts you unconditionally, despite your circumstances or poor choices. He’s chosen you; He’s just waiting for you to choose Him back.  

·       God is wise. He knows what He’s doing and His wisdom and ways are far beyond our comprehension.  

·       God keeps His promises. He is trustworthy to do what He says He will do, and that strengthens your faith.

·       God is faithful. He is totally reliable and utterly dependable.

God will provide. He is with you and He is for you.  

And, get this—the same power that raised Jesus Christ from the dead is available to you and me today, and we access His power through prayer.  

A prayer-filled life is a powerful life. It will help you to stand strong in tough times. 

When you pray, your life—and the lives of those around you—will be forever changed. You will be inspired to live with greater peace, restored hope, and more freedom. You will discover wild hope through Jesus Christ, a hope so unexpected yet so wonderfully good, that when you begin to grasp it your life just may be transformed into one of startling kindness, lavish love, and limitless possibilities.  

The economy may fluctuate, your bank balance may rise and fall, and your emotions may ebb and flow like the ocean tide, but one thing is true: the word of the Lord stands forever.  

God will take care of you. He is totally reliable, willing and able to meet your needs more than you can ever imagine—wildly more, extravagantly more.

 

For more information about Jackie M. Johnson, visit www.jackiejohnsoncreative.com.

 

 

 

After a Breakup: 7 Things to Help Heal Your Heart (Part 3)

A loss of significance—a big loss—can get stuck in your heart if it is not processed. When your self esteem falters, and you feel like it’s always midnight, and you hold it all in, the pain can pile up like emotional garbage. It clogs the drain, blocking your emotions as well as your movement forward into healing and wholeness.

Stuck pain can also lead to unwanted behavior. You’re constantly sad or bitter and it keeps you at arm’s length from other people, so you feel alone. You don’t feel like yourself, so you end up saying or doing things you don’t really mean—like blaming others or lashing out in unwarranted anger—and hurt others.

How can you get unstuck?

It’s been said that if you don’t grieve well you grieve all the time. While you may put on a good front for friends and coworkers, inside the lingering sadness remains. That’s why it’s so important to grieve losses—to unblock your frozen heart so you can feel better, find joy, and live a life of emotional freedom, serenity and love.

1. Express your grief

Grieving a loss is not a linear process.  There is no right or wrong order in which it must be done.  Processing loss can circle around a few times or wash over you like an ocean wave. When the waves of sorrow come, ride them out; they will not destroy you. Eventually the waves that once pounded you so hard will have less and less impact, and finally recede.

For some people, getting over a breakup takes a few weeks or months. For others it can take a year or more depending upon the level of relationship, the depth of love, the person’s emotional past, and how they handle emotions in general. Some attachments have more emotional glue than others which makes it harder to separate and to let go.

Everyone heals in their own way and their own timing because love and loss is unique for each person. Here are some ideas on how to process your pain and release your sadness through grieving.

 

2. Acknowledge your loss.

Getting through this season of grief and sadness begins by acknowledging that a loss has happened. Whether you left, he left, or it was a mutual agreement, something that was there is now gone.

3. Ask for help.

Pray and ask the Holy Spirit to help you do what you cannot do on your own. With His power, emotions expressed will begin the flow, unclogging your blocked heart. In time you will get unstuck and move from the darkness of loss and pain into the sunlight of restoration and wholeness.

4. Let yourself be sad.

In his book, Broken, Tim Baker says, “Sorrow is entirely underrated.” I have to agree.  Tears are a cleansing emotional release from a wellspring deep inside of us that need to get out. Tears are part of unblocking our inner stuckness and pain. “It is as if we have to cry so the pain has somewhere to go, and that somewhere is out of us,” said Baker.  

Crying alone can be healing. If you have someone to be with you when you cry, you are indeed blessed. What do you need to release today? Will you release the pain, release control, release your need to be right, release the other person from what he or she did to you—or didn’t?

5. Recognize what you’ve lost and what remains.

It can be helpful to make a list of your losses. Losing a significant love relationship is a loss, but you may have also incurred other losses during this time.

For instance, the loss of companionship and friendship, time spent with that person, and the loss of affection and physical touch.  You no longer have a person who knows you well, understands you, and makes you feel special.  Breaking up could mean the loss of a dream of a life together with that person. There is also loss of trust, loss of control, and the loss of self respect or self esteem.

Think about what remains and make a list of those things too. Whatever your list includes know that when all else is gone, God’s love goes on. He cares, He comforts and He is near to those who hurt. “The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:18)

6. Remember, God redeems loss and pain and heals the heart to love again.

The word “redeem” means “to trade in, exchange, or transfer.” Think about discarded scraps of cloth, remnants. In the hands of a skilled seamstress they can be redeemed into a beautiful quilt that provides beauty, warmth and comfort.  God excels at converting heartache to healing, and redeeming things that have been tossed away into something worthy and wonderful.

7. Pray.

No matter what your circumstances, prayer is powerful. Prayer changes things. And it changes us. Whether you pray alone, with friends, or a prayer partner, talking and listening with God in a holy dialog is the most important thing you can do to heal your broken heart. It doesn’t have to include elaborate words; it can be simple and heartfelt—as if you were talking to a friend, because indeed you are.

 

Grieving, like night time, will not last forever. Remember, you’re just passing through on your way to better days. Much better days.

Healing Prayer

Dear Lord, I feel miserable. My heart is broken and I want to get beyond this pain. Will you help me to get unstuck and move forward into joy?  I need Your healing power and love to get me through. Lord, I choose to give you my pain, sadness and losses. I leave all of them at the foot of Your throne and release them. I cast my cares. Be near me Lord, in this dark season. Through this loss, I am thankful for what remains—my health, my friends and family, and mostly You. Thank you for your care, comfort and close presence. I know that You are with me every step of the way.  Lead me, moment by moment, from sadness to joy. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
 

Want more info on getting over a breakup? Read other posts in this blog to find more help and hope.  -- Jackie M. Johnson

Forgiving Someone Who's Hurt You, Especially After a Breakup

To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable,
because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you.
– C.S. Lewis

Forgiveness is like a brilliant diamond; there are many facets to it. Today I will present one aspect of it.

So something happened. Someone hurt you and now you are ticked, angry, hurt or some other combination of emotions.

Neil T. Anderson says that the more traumatic your experience, the more intense will be your primary emotion. According to Anderson, an event in the present triggers the primary emotion and sets off something inside that may have been dormant for years.

A relationship breakup, for instance, could activate emotions like intense anger or extreme feelings of rejection, and you may be puzzled as to why you are reacting the way you do—and why you cannot let go. Realizing that the past is creeping into your present will help you to deal with it.

Two ways to find resolution are: First, understand that you are no longer a product of your past. “You have the privilege of evaluating your past experience in the light of who you are today, as opposed to who you were then,” said Anderson. Second, forgive those who have offended you.

Easier said than done. Right?

Forgiveness is the key to healing
A major key that heals brokenness after a relationship ends is forgiveness—whether it’s forgiving past pain, forgiving the person who hurt you in the present, or forgiving yourself. “Forgiveness,” according to Dan Allender and Tremper Longman III in Bold Love “is the light that penetrates the dark and frees the somber, shamed heart to leap with love.”

Whether the offense was in the past or the present, holding onto that pain not only continues to hurt you, it can also block you from moving forward.

The pent up pain turns into bitterness, resentment, or offense and the emotional poison works its way into other areas of our lives. With stubbornness, pride, ignorance or sheer selfishness we cling, like those brown crunchy leaves that cling to trees in winter (long after their season has ended), to what we want or what we think should happen. “He is wrong, and I’m right.” “I want justice (or revenge).” “What he did was inexcusable.”

You don’t owe me
Years ago at a singles retreat in Green Lake, Wisconsin, Andy Stanley gave a talk on the topic of forgiveness. I remember him saying something to the effect that when you do not forgive, it’s as if you hold that person hostage in your heart. You take them out once in a while, beat them up, and put them back.

When you feel wronged, you think the other person owes you something. They owe you an apology, an explanation, a childhood, a relationship or a marriage. Whatever it is, you are holding them prisoner, but you are the one with the pain. T

hen Stanley opened his hands, and with his palms turned up said something like, “Forgiveness means we release that person and say, ‘You don’t owe me.’” You don’t owe me.

How do you go from a place where you feel someone is emotionally indebted to you to a place you can release and forgive? Often people find it difficult to forgive because they are not clear on what forgiveness is and what it is not.

What forgiveness is…and is not
Forgiveness is not forgetting about what happened or acting like everything is okay. It does not mean that you condone what happened, agree with it or like it.

You are not overlooking the offense or excusing it, and you are definitely not letting the offender off the hook for their words or actions. Instead, you’re putting them on God’s hook, and trusting God to deal with it fairly because He said He would.

As you release the person who’s wronged you to God, He ensures justice is served; not you. “Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord.” (Romans 12:19)

I like what C.D. Baker says about God’s justice in 40 Loaves: Breaking Bread with Our Father Each Day, “Yes, God seeks justice and so should we. He grieves when we are oppressed or taken advantage of, and he demands justice on our behalf. But what we forget is that Jesus already paid the price for others’ violations against us…and for our violations against them. We don’t need to seek vengeance.”

Indeed, the God of unconditional love is also our advocate for justice.

Brighter Days Ahead

I'll tell you how the sun rose
a ribbon at a time.
~Emily Dickinson

Isn’t it good to know that day always follows night? That winter’s icy blasts always give way to the freshness of spring? Joy comes after sorrow. You’ve come a long way on your heart healing journey from breaking up to brighter days ahead.

In the darkness you were releasing—grieving losses, healing emotional pain, and discovering the power of forgiveness as you learned to experience God’s love in deeper ways.

In the dawn you were renewing—learning to wait well, awakening hope and restoring your confidence and self esteem, knowing that you really are worth being loved well.

Now it is day, and you are rebuilding—waking up to the rest of your life, finding purpose and vision, and learning to make healthier choices in relationships next time.

Healing is coming and bit by bit, you’re not so affected by the breakup anymore. Even the shape of your life is changing. The physician-poet Oliver Wendell Holmes once said, “The mind, once expanded to the dimension s of larger ideas, never returns to its original size.” I believe the same is true of love. The heart, once expanded to encompass the breadth of love, is never the same again.

You have changed. And, like re-growth comes after a forest fire, restoration comes after a breakup too. Ruin can be restored. Your past will always be a part of who you are; history happened. But as you walk forward by faith, you discover new companions, like inner strength and unexpected joy. Hope arises. Things start to get better.

Surprisingly, the human heart is quite flexible and resilient; it has the ability to bounce back from difficulties. But you’re really not bouncing “back,” you’re bouncing forward—from darkness to light, deadness to life, brokenness to greater wholeness, fear to courage, and so much more.

God is all about transformation. “I will guide you,” He says Isaiah 42:16, “I will turn darkness into light before you and make the rough places smooth.”

It’s time to live in the light.


Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love,
that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.
Psalm 90:14

After a Breakup: Why Deal With Emotions?

Dealing with emotions is essential to your emotional, physical, and spiritual health. But many people don’t always want to face how they’re feeling. Here are a few reasons why:

You don’t think it matters.

You’re confused by how you’re feeling and don’t know how to handle it.

You know what to do, but you don’t want to go there.

You fear what others will think.

Or, you may feel like you will look weak or stupid, even to yourself.

Yet there is immense value in dealing with your stuff. While your relationship may be over, your life isn’t. It’s time to get some life back into your life!

In fact, identifying, expressing and releasing emotions are essential because the emotion itself isn’t that important. It’s what you do with it that matters. Left untreated or unexpressed, emotional pain can wreak havoc in your love life. You may sabotage a perfectly food relationship because of your own commitment fears. Or, you may withhold affection and trust because others have wounded you deeply.

The good news is you can get rid of emotional pain. In time, night will give way to day, and then a brand new day—your new beginning!

Identifying emotions
Tracy had been walking in a cloud of depression for weeks. Even the daylight felt dim to her. After her breakup with Daniel she felt like she was in a fog of sadness. But what she didn’t know was that hidden beneath her melancholy mood was a boatload of anger.

When she finally talked with a Christian counselor she learned that instead of expressing her anger, Tracy was turning it inward toward herself and it was leading to her depression.

As a child, Tracy had observed other family members getting extremely out of control with their tempers—it was actually rage, but she didn’t know that then. So she decided she would never get angry; she didn’t want to be like them. So she stuffed it all inside and thought she was doing the right thing.

Once she identified the emotion of anger, and learned that there was a range of emotions (like the range from a mere annoyance to anger to full blown rage) Tracy could acknowledge that emotion and learn to express it in healthy ways.

A social worker friend of mine uses tools like pictures or photographs of people that display various emotions to help clients identify and then work through their feelings.

Journaling can also be helpful. As you write about what’s happening in your life because of the breakup, certain themes may emerge. Even if they don’t, you can get closer to acknowledging how you feel and what could be causing you to feel that way by writing in a notebook or journal: “I feel __ when ___ happens.” For example, I feel hurt when he lies to me. I feel deceived because she went out with him behind my back.

Calm Your Heart; Return to Joy

"Be still, and know that I am God." Psalm 46:11

Life is messy. We get hurt--or we hurt others. Breakups happen, people disappoint us. Or annoy us. Things don't go as planned. Why, it seems, is there never enough time to do what we need to get done.

But there is hope. The mess of the rain and mud in springtime lead into the beauty and bounty of summer. Fresh, green leaves. Pungent lilacs. Blooming fruit trees and gardens. All that mess led to something better.

This too shall pass. Your day will come. I believe it. Will you!

May God give you HOPE today, perhaps more hope than you've had in a long time--that one day things will change. That they will get better.

May the hard times you're facing lead to infinitely better days ahead!

A Road Map From Hurt to Hope

I’ve often wished the path from hurt to hope could be easier, clearer. When you decide to take a trip and pull out a map, you can locate a specific starting point and ending point. Plus, you have a destination, and when you get there you know you’ve arrived.

In breakup world, there is no perfect map.

There is a path each of us follows. There are good ideas and guidelines—and certainly God’s word—but how that combination works to get you to a better place is different for each of us.

There is no wooden sign that tells you the exact moment you are exiting pain and entering peace, as in “You are now leaving the land of loss” or “Welcome to the land of new beginnings.”

You have to walk in faith.

And you must choose which road to walk.

Your own “Great Awakening”
Time has passed since your breakup. Whether it’s been weeks, months or years, eventually your slumbering self wakes up and the light of God’s truth brings greater revelation. You have more awareness, insight and clarity about your pain and the relationship ending. You’ve come a long way in your healing journey.

And now you stand at a crossroads. There is a fork in the road and before you are two paths, one is the way of hope—Hope Road. The other is the path of hopelessness—Despair Drive. It is a defining moment, to have hope or not. Which road you will take?

Despair Drive follows the trail of bleakness. You just want to give up. You don’t want to deal with this “getting over a breakup” stuff any longer; you want to stay asleep and succumb to the darkness of disappointment. It’s too difficult, and it’s taking too long.

You show up for work or for lunch with friends, but a part of you is not really there. You’ve kind of checked out; the lights are on but no one’s home. You’ve been rejected and you can’t seem to get over it. Somehow you think a broken heart is incurable.

But beware: Walking down Despair Drive is dangerous. And not making a decision about which path to take is in itself a decision. It’s understandable to have a heavy heart after a breakup. But don’t “lose heart.” Resignation to hopelessness can lead to isolation, alienation and further misery. You may even often miss out on support, love and friendship, the very things you need.

Despair Drive or Hope Road? It’s your choice.

God has called you “out of darkness and into his wonderful light” (1 Peter 2:9) How will you answer?